


The Only Easy Day Was Yesterday

by Jerry_Larchive



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-31
Updated: 2017-05-03
Packaged: 2018-10-13 04:17:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 39,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10506174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jerry_Larchive/pseuds/Jerry_Larchive
Summary: April Kepner used to call herself a soldier. What happened in Jordan when she befriended an entire team of elite soldiers? And what will happen when the leader of that team suddenly shows up at Grey Sloan Memorial? Jackson begins to suspect that there may have been other reasons for April to be drawn to Jordan. Reason's worth risking her marriage for? Is he right? Does this soldier have the answers he's looking for?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I think the Japril storyline is the most interesting and well written one on Greys. With one glaring exception- I've never been able to accept that April, knowing it would end her marriage, would return to Jordan just to either learn more or because of the adrenaline rush, or some higher calling. It just didn't make sense to me that she would prioritize any of those things over her marriage. So this is my effort to provide her with a better reason. In the course of writing this it kind of got a little out of control and became something like a crossover Grey's Anatomy/ SIX episode and contains a lot more Navy SEAL fanboy stuff than you'll find in most Greys Anatomy fanfic :-) Hope that doesn't ruin it for you.  
> The title is a real Navy SEAL motto.
> 
> As always, comments are much appreciated, even if they point out flaws (easy pickins in this one).

**Forward Operating Base-Juniper (Somewhere Near the Jordanian – Syrian Border) - 2014**

They were 5 uniformed men, bearing a sixth on a makeshift stretcher. At least it appeared to be a man they were carrying, though it was difficult to tell for sure with all the blood, torn clothing and torn flesh. They hoisted their burden up onto the nearest operating table as one of the doctors appeared and approached. Four of the men stepped away from the table but the fifth remained beside it. As the doctor neared the table he could see that this man's arm disappeared into the flesh of what had once been a man's leg.

The doctor performed a quick triage of the man on the table.The soldier beside said "We need a cutter. He took an RPG and has lost a lot of blood."

"I can see that." replied the doctor. "Too much I'm afraid. His injuries are too severe. Besides, all of the surgeons are already in surgery. There was another car bombing a few hours ago.”

That afternoon ISIS insurgents had driven a huge car bomb into the nearby refugee camp, killing and maiming hundreds. The military hospital that the Americans had set up to support their small contingent routinely cared for the huge refugee community as well. They had been quickly overwhelmed. The doctor shook his head. Even if he had a team ready to go, there was nothing they could do for this man. Black tag. Suddenly he found himself face to face with the man beside the table.

  


In the adjoining tent, which served as the OR for the mobile hospital, Owen Hunt looked up from the chest he was elbow deep in, trying urgently to find and stop bleeding vessels in the man on the table.

“What's going on out there?” he asked no one in particular. He could see the armed men in the triage area through the open tent flap.

One of the nurses left the operating table to investigate.

She returned a moment later. “Soldier down. Looks like he's in bad shape. But his buddies won't give him him up.”

Hunt's expression was intense. “Then neither will we.”

He looked at the surgeon assisting him. “I've got this. Go see what you can do.”

With a nod, his assistant left the table and walked quickly out of the OR.

  


"Get us a cutter. I'm not going to ask again." While the man's voice remained even and calm, there was no mistaking his unwillingness to accept a _No_.

"I just don't have anyone left!" The doctor answered, unable to keep his voice from rising an octave.

"I need a surgeon to help me with my friend here. And I need one right now." answered the soldier beside the table. One of his companions happened to unsling his weapon from his shoulder and casually pointed it at the doctor.

The doctor didn't believe these men would actually do violence to him, but that didn't keep the adrenaline from surging through his body.

"I'm a surgeon. I'll help." A young woman wearing a stained and bloody surgical gown strode forward.

  


The triage doctor looked at her with the gratitude of someone who has just been brought back from the brink. The soldiers said nothing but looked to the man beside the table. He looked at the young woman and she knew he was sizing her up in a moment. He nodded and the the others backed a few steps away to allow her to approach the table.

Her expert eye surveyed the patient and she frowned. Tracy had been right, this guy was in really bad shape. Still, she could see that he was still alive by the rise and fall of his chest and the blood that still ran from his wounds.

"Trace, hang three units and then go find me an anesthesiologist and I need a gown, gloves, and a tray. No time to scrub. And, I can't do this alone. Go ask Hunt to send me some help."

The soldier beside the table interrupted her. "We don't have time for that. I'll assist."

She looked at him in surprise. "Your friend needs another surgeon, not a medic."

He returned her gaze. "I'm both. Anyway we don't have time for this. I've been holding his femoral artery for almost an hour now and am not sure how much longer I can do it. If I let go it will retract into his pelvis and we'll lose him. So lets start there."

“Trace, make that 2 sets of gear. And make it fast.”

By the time the anesthesiologist arrived Kepner and Abbott were already well into their attempt to save the man's life.

  


**Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital, Seattle - 2016**

The board meeting was drawing to a close when Bailey turned to Owen Hunt for the last item on the agenda. "As you know, we are now the only level 1 trauma center in the Seattle metro area.” he began. “We are getting more intake than we are currently staffed for. April has been doing miracles juggling everything in the ER but we can't possibly cover, especially with cold and flu season starting and the inevitable toll that will take on staff. So I'd like your permission to expand ER staffing and add at least one trauma surgeon, or ideally two."

The board considered this and agreed to adding one surgeon. Owen got their attention again. "Now it will take awhile to fill that position so in the meantime I have an idea on how we might meet our immediate needs until we get someone on board. My friend at Bauer happens to have a trauma guy sitting around doing nothing while he recovers from a wound and decides his future. He's been offered to us on an interim basis. Figured it would help us, them and him. He can stay sharp, we get the help we need, and my friend gets this guy out of his hair. Best of all, the government is paying him so we don't have to."

"What do you know about this guy?" asked Jackson Avery.

"Board certified. Rock star in the OR. Navy SEAL." answered Owen.

"A Navy SEAL?" Asked Miranda. "As in hunt down Osama Bin Laden Navy SEAL?"

"The very same."

Meredith looked at Owen. "There are Navy SEAL surgeons? That seems a little weird."

"I'm sure its pretty unusual." he agreed.

“Rock star surgeon? Says who?” asked Jackson.

“Says me.” replied Owen. “He was in Jordan during my last tour.” He saw Jackson wince. Avery always did whenever Jordan was mentioned. Owen guessed that he always would.

“So, he was on the surgical team in Jordan?”

“Actually, he wasn't.” answered Hunt. “His SEAL team was there conducting counter terrorist operations.”

“And how does that make him an OR rock star?”

“Thats a story for another time and best told by someone else.” Owen answered. He was suddenly worried that he might have wandered into dangerous territory with this line of questioning. Jackson's eyes narrowed. He was too smart to not figure out which 'someone else' Owen was referring to.

“So the SEAL surgeon is an April story.” Jackson stated flatly.

Owen merely nodded while he made a mental note to try to warn April that there might be even more turbulence ahead in her and Jackson's relationship.

Jackson looked around the room. "Well, unless there are any objections, it looks like we'll have a genuine badass trauma surgeon around here for awhile."

Unfortunately for April, a very busy day gave Owen no chance to speak to her about the pending addition to the staff.

  


Jackson was changing Harriet as April went back and forth between her bedroom and the bathroom brushing her teeth. They were in such a strange place these days. They were living together, working together, parenting together and getting along pretty well. His favorite times were when both he and April were at home, taking care of Harriet. Those times he could almost pretend they were still married, a happy family, a couple bringing up their child, as it always should have been. but wasn't.

He realized he had done his fair share of stupid things in his relationship with April but inviting them to live with him was one of his smartest. It almost felt like the life he had once hoped for with her. Except the marriage part. And the sex of course. That he really missed. He would often look at her as she readied herself for work and wish he could just go hold her, or kiss her neck, or lift her onto the counter ...

"So, Owen got you another subject for your trauma kingdom. Whew!" He loved Harriet with all his heart but boy could she stink up a diaper.

"Its about time." April said as she passed by the doorway. "Did he say when?" she called from her room.

"We'll start looking right away but it might take awhile." Jackson answered.

April reappeared in the doorway. "Jackson, I can't wait. We are running on fumes down there already. I need help!" She disappeared again toward the bathroom.

Jackson called after her "Well, we have you covered. We're going to borrow a surgeon in the interim. The cavalry is on the way. Or the fleet in this case. The Navy is lending us a SEAL."

April reappeared in the doorway instantly. "What? What did you say?"

Jackson observed her reaction coolly. He had been planning and rehearsing this all day. Now he carefully executed his script, intently watching April's reactions. "Really! Crazy huh? Apparently this guy is a badass and a surgeon. He'll help out down in the ER until we either find our permanent guy or he gets redeployed."

April remained standing in the doorway, frozen in digesting this information. Jackson continued to note Aprils reaction as he brushed by her on his way to the rocking chair and tonight's campaign to get Harriet to sleep. Yup, there's definitely a story there.

After her first tour in Jordan there had been wild stories circulating the hospital rumor mill. There was talk that April and Hunt had enjoyed a torrid affair but Jackson had immediately dismissed that foolishness. Hunt was as straight arrow as a man could be and would never think of having an affair with a married woman. Nor did he think that April, even if she had been so inclined, would cheat on him with Hunt nearby. She too highly valued his opinion of her to do anything like that.

Her second tour to Jordan though, that had been a decidedly different can of worms. Upon her return the rumor mill again was running full tilt. This time the story was that she had returned to Jordan to reunite with her lover in spite of Jackson declaring that he would leave her if she did. And of course the whole drama of their marriage imploding after her return, reinforced the rumors and allowed them to persist much longer than before.

Then when Riggs showed up with the Syrian boy, even Jackson was suspicious. They were and remained obviously close and suddenly things that seemed so far fetched were much more plausible. Eventually those stories starved for fuel and withered away as well and Jackson and April fought and wrestled with the plethora of real problems they faced. Harriet had provided a common cause to bring them together as parents and roommates but they both knew it was an uneasy truce at best. Who knew when something would come up to disturb the peace and what changes that might bring?

April stood in the hallway, stunned by Jackson's news. It had to be him. It had to. There couldn't be two surgeons in the SEALs. She felt a charge of excitement and fear surge through her. The last thing she wanted right now was for Jackson to have another reminder of her time overseas come into their lives. They had made so much progress and were in such a better place after the hell of losing Samuel and then the divorce she was still convinced neither wanted. This would stir up things better left unstirred.

And there were other dangers as well. How would Abbott react to her? Would he still be angry at her, as he was when they had parted? And what should she tell Jackson? She knew she had better tell him something so he wouldn't be blindsided. But she had no idea what that something should be.

 


	2. We Meet and Meet Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In Jordan, April works with Abbott to save one of his SEALs
> 
> Two years later, in Seattle, they meet again.

**FOB-Juniper, 2014**

As she worked to clamp the femoral artery she marveled that the man across the table had been able to hold it together from the battlefield to the operating table. It was pretty torn up.

“You have a name?” she asked without looking up from her work.

“Abbott.” he replied.

“Kepner” she volunteered. “OK, I have it, move your hand.”

He let go of the artery and she saw him flex his fingers and immediately begin working to help her with the damage before them.

April was surprised by his skill and sharp technique as they worked quickly to remove shrapnel and stop the many bleeders in the mans tattered flesh. He definitely seemed to have the surgical chops. But she was getting a little irritated with her surgical partner as every time he addressed her he managed to mess up her name.

“Klepper, you need to tie that off.”

“Kapner, you better find that bleeder.”

“Klopner, I have a section of perforated bowel here.”

They were still working when the monitor alerted them to the soldiers cardiac arrest. Abbott started compressions while the defibrillator charged. “Clear!” called April.

The first attempt brought no response. Abbott resumed compressions. “Com'n Scotty!” he said.

“Clear!” called April again. Again there was no response to the shock.

Abbott's compressions became savage. “Come on Scott!” quiet desperation in his voice.

Paddles charging, April looked at Abbott but he refused to meet her eyes. After the third attempt failed she stood and watched, ready to call it when he finally gave up. But he was again compressing as though he would do it all night if he had to.

“Abbott.” she said softly.

“You married Kipner?' he asked.

Caught by surprise, April answered. “Yes.”

“You love him?”

Flustered, April replied “Yes, of course.”

Now he looked at her with piercing blue eyes. “If it was him on the table would you still want to give up?”

Redheads have a reputation for having fiery spirits to match their hair color and April Kepner fit the stereotype. Never particularly good at controlling her emotions, the button this soldier had pushed brought her fabled anger immediately to the surface. She spat out “Charge to 200!” and “Clear!”, though she thought it might do this jerk some good if he didn't clear in time. Finally, a rhythm returned.

They worked another hour and a half on the wounded soldier. Scott coded once again but this time April didn't have to be told there would be no surrender tonight and he was again brought back. Finally, they were ready to close.

“Kupner, you've had a long day, take a break and I'll close.” Abbott told her.

“Its Kepner! And it has been a long day. I'll close and you can go F yourself!”

She heard the soldier behind her chuckle. She realized that Abbott was looking at her, his expression hidden by his surgical mask.

“Doctor Kepner, you saved our boy here. Thank you. Let me close.”

April realized she was totally spent and turned from the table without further argument. “I'll just go get a couple of hours and then check on him in Recovery. Tell Trace where I can find you and I'll update you tomorrow.” Without waiting for a response she walked out of the OR and made her way to her tent.

  
  


**GSMH Seattle, 2016**

It was April who was caught by surprise when she arrived at the ER the next morning to hear everyone buzzing about the new surgeon that would be coming downstairs at any moment.

“What? Today? Jackson didn't say it would be today.” she exclaimed to Alex, who happened to be there checking on a little girl who had slipped and hit her head on the sidewalk on her way to school.

“So what? You've been bitchin about being shorthanded down here for weeks and now you want to complain when they get you help? Geez!”

“Oh shut up. Where's Jackson?”

“How should I know?”

Should have known better than to ask Karev for help, she thought and went to look for Jackson. Her fruitless search was cut short by a page to return to the ER.

She exited the elevator to find Bailey and Jackson standing by the board. They turned as she approached.

“Kepner, where have ...” began Bailey.

April cut her off. “Jackson, I need a word with you.” Before Jackson could react she saw him, stopping dead in her tracks.

“Kepner?” Abbott stood just beyond Jackson, now looking at April in shocked surprise. It took a lot to surprise Abbott, but this was a lot. They stood and stared at each other without saying a word. Bailey and Jackson looked from one to the other, trying to decipher the meaning in their reactions. Finally Jackson turned to April.

“You do know him.” It was more statement than question.

April's deer in the headlights expression was in full bloom. “Jackson ...” she managed to whisper.

It was Abbott who cut her off. “Jackson?” he said, turning back to Avery. “You're the husband.”

Jackson turned back to him. He wasn't sure he liked the way Abbott put that. He wasn't sure at all. “Ex, ex-husband.” he corrected automatically.

April winced.

Abbott turned back to face her, recovered now from his surprise at encountering her, his face a mask that hid any emotions he might be feeling And now Jackson too was looking at her intently, no doubt guessing at all sorts of things, none of which were good. This nightmare was quickly spiraling below even what she thought might be a worst case scenario.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Borrowed a little bit from Blackhawk Down for the artery thing.


	3. Some Things Are Hard To Explain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jordan: After saving a soldier's life, April gets introduced to his team of SEALs
> 
> Seattle +2: Abbott steps right in and becomes a celebrity while April finds it difficult to get her story straight.

**FOB-Juniper, 2014**

Two hours of brief exhausted sleep later, a still weary but slightly recharged April entered the Recovery tent to find the entire SEAL team still surrounding their wounded comrade. As she approached, the soldier who had pointed his weapon at Dr Tracy stood and extended his hand.

“Ma'am, I just wanted to apologize for my actions last night. I was a little wound up but that was inexcusable. I apologized to Dr Tracy but I want to to you too. If you want to ring me up you have every right to.”

April looked up at the tall man with the broad shoulders. She had been in country long enough to know that “ringing up” a soldier meant putting them on report for disciplinary action.

“You have a name, soldier?” she asked.

“Tarpley, Maam, Roland Tarpley. E5” he answered, automatically coming to attention.

April gave him a small smile “Relax Tarpley, Roland. I'm civilian so if you want to get rung up, you'll have to go elsewhere. And I'm not 'Maam', I'm Dr. Kepner.”

She looked past Tarpley to Abbott. “That's K-E-P-N-E-R, Kepner.”

Abbott allowed himself a little smile. I like this little Dr Kepner, he thought to himself.

Tarpley introduced her to the rest of the small team. April had noted their clothing was nothing like what the other American soldiers at the small compound wore. When she remarked on it, Tarpley revealed they were Navy.

“So that's Ruiz, that's Davis. He thinks he's a ladies man so if he gives you any grief just let me or the Chief know, and we'll kick his butt.

“The _Chief_?”

“Chief Petty Officer Abbott, our fearless leader.” Tarpley indicated Abbott, who sat nearby, observing the interaction with an amused expression on his face.

“And I'm Murphy.” said a big man rising from the bench to extend his hand in April's direction. “And if Tarp here gives you any grief, you just come to me.”

April smiled. “Affirmative.” she replied.

“Whoa, Doc K's already picking up the lingo.” Tarpley laughed.

“Be careful, Doc, you don't want pick up our way of talking. You'll be unfit for civilized places if you do.” warned Murphy.

“Speak for yourself, Murph.” Tarpley responded. But he took a little step backward when the big man looked at him.

Abbott finally rose from his seat. “OK, enough chit chat with the lady. Doc, how about you take a look at our guy here and give us a sitrep.”

“Sitrep?” asked April.

“Situation Report.” Murphy translated. “I warned you about the lingo.”

April nodded and stepped to her patient's bedside to begin her post op examination. Abbott stayed at her side throughout, telling her what he had observed since the surgery.

Scott Triplett, the soldier in the bed, remained unconscious, which wasn't necessarily a bad thing given the extent of his wounds and that he had recently received anesthesia. April decided not to try and bring him around.

Abbott noted that every bed was full. Observing him, April explained.“Yeah, the last couple of days have been hell. We take the trauma cases from the refugee camp when we can and the car bombings really are stretching us.”

Behind her, Tarpley quietly stated “Those guys wont be doing any more bombing” Abbott shot him a stern look that plainly indicated he had said too much. April looked back and forth between the men. So these are the guys I heard about, she thought, the spec ops guys who go after the bad guys right in their own backyard. That explained how Scott Triplett found himself bleeding out in her OR last night.

  
  


“So it turns out this SEAL guy is a surgeon. Isn't that crazy?” April was relating the events of the day to Owen as they ate dinner in the mess tent.

“What did he do, lose his license? Drop out? Get fired?”

“I don't know. But he's definitely got skills. He came in holding the wounded guys femoral artery, for goodness sakes. Holding it! Then he actually assisted me on cleaning him up.”

“Assisted? Like he knew what he was doing assisted?”

“Yes, that's what I'm saying. He was suturing torn vessels right and left. And telling me stuff to do or look for. It was almost like performing surgery with Cristina again.”

Owen turned his head away and April chided herself for mentioning Cristina around him. Some wounds never heal.

 

 

**GSMH Seattle, 2016**

April suspected Jackson had been avoiding her all day. She wasn't sure whether she was mad about it or not. While she dreaded having the conversation, she knew the longer she waited to explain to him, the worse it would be. Who knew what he was imagining already? She thought maybe she could corner him picking up Harriett from daycare, or that he might corner her. Either way, she needed a chance to talk to him.

The hospital had been buzzing all day about having a real American hero on the staff. Scuttlebutt soon had it that Abbott had personally taken down Bin Laden. And he was back home to receive the Congressional Medal of Honor. But first he had to recover from a wound he received when he singlehandedly took on a building full of terrorists.

Truth be told, it irritated April a little bit that the ER nursing staff, and even the interns, seemed starstruck by the guy. By the end of the day he had a pack of them hovering about him. It irritated her even more that he wouldn't look at her or say two words to her all day. But she wasn't sure she was going to enjoy the eventual conversation with him any more than the one with Jackson.

She had to admit, his work today in the ER had been stellar. It seemed more like he had been there for years rather than just back from fighting in some far away hell hole. Even more surprising to her was his bedside manner. She had expected him to have difficulty acclimating to a civilian environment but he had stepped in and soon appeared as comfortable as if he had been there for years.

Later in the day she ran into Riggs.

“So, he's the guy, huh?” Nathan asked.

“No, Jackson's _the Guy_. Always.” April answered, peeved at what her friend seemed to be implying.

“Always? Like forever?”

“Stop it. You know what I mean,” she answered, wondering why every word out of her mouth seemed to be considered a statement about her relationship with Jackson.

“But this soldier is _some_ guy, right?”

“Well, of course, he's _some_ guy, but he was never _the_ guy.” April knew that she was just confusing everyone but she just couldn't seem to figure out how to communicate about this effectively.

Nathan was clearly one of those she was confusing. “But isn't this  _some_ guy the  _Jordan_ guy?”

April sighed. “Yes, he's the  _Jordan_ guy, uh,  _one of_ the Jordan guys.” She realized that sounded even worse. “Look, there is no  _Jordan_ guy, OK, not the way everyone is thinking. There were guys in Jordan, but not  _a_ guy in Jordan.”  _Nope, still sounds bad._

Nathan was looking at her strangely now.

“But is this guy why you went back to Jordan?”

“Yes, sort of, but only one...”

At that moment, Jo Wilson appeared at her side and April cut off her sentence.

“of the tests have come back. When the rest do I'll come and find you and we can sort this all out.”

Riggs nodded and went on his way.

“Wilson, where did you come from?”

“Doctor Kepner, I just finished your charts and got the results on Wilner's lab tests.”

“Great. Just great.” April realized she needed to figure this out before she made things even worse than they already were.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully not making April look too much like a doofus.


	4. Into the Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jordan- April's relationship warms
> 
> Seattle + 2- Another relationship chills dramatically

**FOB-Juniper, 2014**

April sat on a crate, her back against the stiff tent, listening to her iPod. She had been there for two and a half months now and, without regular internet service, her song library was getting a bit stale.

In the gathering darkness she looked up to see a small group of armed soldiers passing by. It was just light enough for her to recognize them. It was Abbott's team of SEALs and they were armed and outfitted for battle. The biggest man, easily identifiable as Murphy, looked over and saw her. She saw him tap the man next to him, which she assumed to be Abbott. The two men stopped, whispering briefly together, while the others continued on by. Then Abbott turned and continued while Murphy made his way to where April sat.

She pulled out her earbuds. “Murphy.” she greeted him.

“Hey Doc. You on duty tonight?” Murphy asked.

“Yep, why?”

“Can't say.”

“You're going out.” she realized.

“Now you know the Chief would kick my ass if I told you anything.”

April nodded. “I'll be here all night.”

Murphy nodded. “Good to know.” And he jogged off to rejoin his team.

A minute later she heard a helicopter beating the night air above. Abbott and team were going into the fire again. She said a prayer.

It was early the next morning when April, her shift over, made her way to the mess tent, and again heard the swish of the helicopter's blades. She stopped and waited, wanting to watch for anyone being rushed toward the surgical tent. But instead, to her relief, she soon saw a familiar group of soldiers walking back toward their nearby barracks, weapons safetied and secured. As the team walked by, Tarp nudged Abbott, who looked over at April. She met his eyes. He nodded and gave her the slightest of smiles. All safe and accounted for.

Eating her breakfast with a few of the other surgical staff that had pulled the night watch, April saw the SEALs come in and load up plates with food. Then they gathered around the table just behind hers. She could hear them trading jibes and insults, the way men who are close like to do. At one point Murphy got up to fetch another round of coffee for the table.

He came back with a whole pot that he had charmed one of the cooks into giving him. The SEALs and other elite warriors were royalty here. He poured for his teammates.

“Doc? More coffee?”

At first April didn't realize that he was talking to her. The OR nurse across from her, gestured that she should look behind her.

“Refill?” asked Murphy again.

“Sure, thanks.” she held her cup for the big SEAL to fill.

The rest of the hospital staff looked at her in awe. If the SEALs were royalty, April Kepner had just been made a princess.

That afternoon, April was doing an appendectomy on a man from the refugee camp when Abbott stuck his head into the OR tent. One of the nurses began to tell him he couldn't be there but April stopped her. “It's OK.”

“You on tonight?”

April nodded.

Abbott nodded back. And disappeared.

  
  


**GSMH Seattle, 2016**

Harriett was asleep in her carrier on the living room couch when Jackson got home. April sipped tea at the breakfast bar.

“Hey” he said.

“Hey” she answered.

Jackson hung his laptop sleeve on the back of a dining room chair. All day long he had been thinking about Abbott. And April. And how they looked at each other that morning in the ER.

“That was quite a debut, huh?”

“Abbott?”

“No, Trevor Noah.” Jackson answered sarcastically. ”Of course, Abbott.”

“You're mad at me.” April sighed.

“Just wondering why you never mentioned you were such close friends with the guy who took down Osama Bin Laden.” Jackson did his best to emphasize the word _close_.

“Abbott didn't take down Bin Laden and you know it.”

“Oh, so you're saying you didn't mention him because he isn't worth mentioning?”

April got up and carried her empty cup to the sink.

“That isn't the way I would put it, but I don't know why I would tell you about him. I meet a lot of people that I don't feel I need to tell you about. We're not married you know.” As soon as she said it she knew she had made a mistake.

“But we were when you met him, remember?” Jackson's temper was starting to simmer now as he too made his way to the sink. “You know, the way you both reacted to each other this morning, almost makes me think you were more than casual acquaintances.”

“Is that what this is, Jackson, jealousy?” April's own temper began to wake up.

“Why? Would I have any reason to be jealous? I mean my wife went to Jordan for three months. But then she found a reason to extend, and extend, and extend. Finally, she comes home, only to jump on the very next plane back. And that was AFTER she was told it would end our marriage. Why would she do that?”

“Yeah, I think we've covered this ground already, Jackson.”

“Sure, yeah, healing right?”

“That's right.”

“How did that happen again? Was it the _laying on of hands_?”

Before she could stop herself she had slapped him. Hard.

He just stared at her.

She stared back, mouth agape in horror at what she had done.

Harriet, woken by the hard sound of her palm on Jackson's cheek, began to cry.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember Japril shippers, it's always darkest before the dawn


	5. Better and Worse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jordan - The SEAL team accepts April as one of their own although even as one of them begins to be a little concerned.
> 
> Seattle +2 - April finally has a chance to speak to Abbott but did it help or hurt?

**FOB-Juniper, 2014**

And so it began. Sometimes it was in the evening, sometimes the morning, but just prior to Abbott's team going into the field, one of them would stop by the hospital tent complex, find April, and verify that she would be on duty for the next several hours. And she always said yes, she would be, regardless of whether she was scheduled to be or not. Sometimes she would ask to swap with another surgeon but most often she would just make sure she was there, duty or not.

One morning, April entered the mess hall alone. Once she had gathered her breakfast on her tray she surveyed the tent that served as the mess, looking for a place to sit. Abbott saw her and beckoned to her with a wave of his hand. April, turned to look behind her. She had never seen the SEALs eat with anyone but themselves. Seeing no one behind her that he might be motioning to, she looked at him and pointed a finger at her chest. Smiling slightly, Abbott nodded and pointed at her. Then she saw him say something to the other SEALs and they all laughed.

Embarrassed, she made her way to their table. Ruiz slid over to make room for her between Davis and himself. “Hey, Doc.” Murphy, seated across the table next to Abbott, greeted her with a smile, while the other men nodded as they chewed their mouthfuls of food.

“Hi guys.” answered April, her cheeks still flushed with color. She couldn't help but flash back to high school and the feeling she had been invited to the cool kids table as a prelude to some cruel prank about to be played on her.

Abbott was looking at her thoughtfully. Those piercing blue eyes, so different from Jackson's yet so similar, were fixed on her. “What?” she finally asked, “is there something on my face?” She wiped her chin just in case.

While the others were laughing about something or other that Tarpley was saying, her question drew Murphy's attention. He looked at Abbott, then at April. _Hmmm_ , he thought.

“Sorry, Kepner, I didn't mean to stare.” Abbott replied. “I was just thinking that you sure do work a lot.”

“Well, that's why I came...” April began.

Abbott cut her off. “I mean a LOT. You're on duty almost every night and day too. Seems like you're never off duty. Murph, have you ever seen Kepner not on duty?”

Murphy shook his head. “Nope.” But he was smiling a little as he said it.

April was suddenly aware that the other men at the table had ceased talking and they were all looking at her. It made her a little uncomfortable. “There's not really much to do...”

Again Abbott cut her off. “But I'll tell you what, Doc. When we go out, we feel a whole lot better knowing that you're here, covering our six, whether you're scheduled to or not.”

There was a clinking sound and April looked around the table. The SEALs had brought their cups together. “Amen to that” she heard Ruiz mutter next to her.

April found she couldn't quite manage swallowing the bite of food she had just taken.

  


Later that same day, April was running around the compound when she spotted Murphy reading a book in the shade of a tent. He looked up as she approached and beckoned her over. She pulled up in front of him.

“Hey, Doc,” he said observing her drenched with sweat and breathing hard, “didn't they tell you running around in the desert isn't good for you?”

“What's not good for me is the food they serve every day in that mess tent. If I don't run, I”ll turn into a potato.”

Murphy laughed. “Well, have a seat and recoup a little.”

“Yeah, I'm a sweaty drippy mess so I don't think I'm the best company at the moment.”

Murphy laughed again. “Doc, I spend most of my life in close quarters with five really smelly dudes, usually in the desert, usually running to or away from something, and always sweating like pigs. So whatever you got goin on is not likely to impress me much. Believe me, I crave the company of someone who can string two words together without interjecting some bodily function into the conversation.”

That got a laugh from April and she parked herself on the bench next to Murphy.

“So, Doc, what's your story? How did Dr Kepner find herself here in this lovely garden spot?” Murphy asked her lightly.

“Well, that's a long sad story.” answered April. As much as she liked Murphy, she wasn't sure how much of THAT story she wanted to share with him.

“Good thing we're both stuck out here then”, he replied. He lowered his voice to a conspiratorial whisper, “And all our stories are sad out here.”

April laughed again. “OK, OK, I volunteered because Major Hunt is Chief Hunt to me. He's Chief of Surgery at the hospital I work at back in the world. He told me what kind of work is being done out here and what I might learn and I was at a point where I kind of needed something like this so here I am.”

Murphy nodded. “Wow, must have been a shock to just jump on a plane back there and hop off into this?” He gestured at the compound. “At least the military prepared us for it.”

“Yes, it's been a little crazy that way but the med unit is pretty tight and that helps.”

“Your husband must be the most understanding guy in the world.”

Murphy could see that the mention of her husband had instantly made April uncomfortable. That's a bad sign, he thought.

“He's really supportive.” she said, not terribly convincingly.

“What's his name?” Murphy asked.

“Jackson, his name is Jackson.” April replied.

Murphy decided he had pressed her enough. He knew he had stumbled onto something but it was too early to tell what and how serious it was. But he had time. And he would use it. He had to. Abbott wasn't just his team leader, he was a brother. And he knew him well. And he fully understood what kind of damage April Kepner might bring upon him, however unwittingly.

“My wife's name is Ann. Here, I got a picture right here. The twins are Mark and Luke. We figure if we have two more we'll have the four gospels covered.”

April was smiling again, just as he knew she would.

  


**GSMH Seattle, 2016**

April was functioning, but barely. A sleepless night had followed her disastrous confrontation with Jackson. He had been gone by the time she had emerged from her room this morning.

She bit her lower lip as she drove Harriet and herself into the hospital. Things had gone to hell in the blink of an eye and she had no idea how to begin to fix anything.

It would have been easier if she herself had been a little clearer about what had happened in Jordan. If she herself didn't question her feelings toward Abbott. If she had a better idea about how Abbott regarded her.

The military talks about the _Fog of War_ to describe the confusion, incomplete visibility and lack of information that typically occurs on the battlefield. Looking back, April couldn't help but feel that _Fog of Jordan_ was apropos in describing her own understanding of everything that she found herself caught up in there.

But now, a figure had emerged from that fog and appeared right here at Grey Sloan. So far, his appearance had only caused her grief. Now she needed to turn that around and see if he might be able to shed some light on her confusion and help her bring closure to that episode of her life.

Dropping Harriet off at daycare and making her way down to her ER, she found Abbott already at work with a patient. Fortunately, this particular patient needed only stitches to repair a nasty, but not too serious, wound on her neck.

Abbott was finishing up when April stepped into the room and requested a word with him. He nodded and stepped outside to find April waiting for him.

“Doctor Kepner.”

“Doctor Abbott.”

“What can I do for you?”

“For starters,” April began, “you can tell me what the hell you are doing here?”

“Nothing too challenging. Simple stitching. But I'm sure things will pick up as the day goes on.”

So, thought April, he's going with deliberately obtuse.

“You know what I mean. Why are you here at Grey Sloan?”

Abbott looked at her carefully. “You think I came here because of you? I assure you I was just as surprised to find you here as you were to see me.”

“So you landed here by accident? Where I just happen to work.”

“As implausible as you may find it, that's exactly what happened.”

“You must have recognized Hunt.”

“Yeah, I recognized him. When I saw him a few hours after I saw you.”

April looked at him. Abbott didn't know how to lie. Jesus, why is this happening?

“Jackson thinks I cheated with you in Jordan.”

“Why the hell would he think that?”

“Because I never told him about you.” April responded.

“Why would you?”

“That was actually my response. It didn't seem to impress him much.”

“So he thinks you cheated with every random guy you met in Jordan or does he have a reason to single me out?”

“He's been able to figure out that you're not a _random_ guy. He's not dumb.”

“Why not just tell him the truth then?”

“That I couldn't come home because I felt I had to be there for you, I mean, your _team_?”

Abbott noted her need to correct herself. “Well, you made that bed for yourself, didn't you?”

“Thanks for reminding me. And do you honestly think that was all me?”

“Look, Kepner, this is really your mess to clean up. Yeah, we took you in but, really, if he wanted a divorce after you were gone for a year, especially right after, well, you know, it shouldn't have been too much of a surprise. I'm not even sure why any of the details matter any more.”

“Maybe because he didn't want a divorce after I came home.”

“What? Then why..?”

“I went back again.”

“You WHAT?” Abbott's voice rose.

“It wasn't because of you.” she tried to bring the volume back down. People were looking at them.

 _Only,_ she corrected herself in her mind. _It was also what you said to me._

“How could you do that? Why did he let you?”

April sighed. “He didn't want me to go. He told me he didn't think he could be with me if I did.”

“And you went anyway? Kepner, what is wrong with you?”

His words were bad enough but it was the way he was looking at her that really hurt. She felt naked and dirty and repulsive.

“You don't have the right to judge me. I had my reasons.” she hissed defensively. After what he had said to her on that last day, she wasn't going to give him her reason.

“Something more important than your marriage?” Abbott was nothing if not direct.

“I didn't think it would come to that.”

“And how did that work out for you?”

Abbott was looking at her and shaking his head. He may not have the right to judge her but that didn't seem to be keeping him from doing it. She reminded herself that Abbott lived in a black and white world, with only a few shades of grey. April had once lived in a similar world. But it seemed a long time ago now.

“There's more.” April admitted. “I, _we_ , have a baby.”

Now Abbott looked confused. “But you got divorced.”

“We did. But I got pregnant right before the divorce.”

“Because that's what people do when their marriage is falling apart, get pregnant.”

“It wasn't on purpose, if that's what you're implying.”

“Well congratulations, it must have been a very amicable divorce negotiation.”

“Ugh! You're twisting everything and taking it out of context.”

“So is this a custody thing?”

“No, of course not.” answered April. _Note to self, don't seek advice from Catherine about this._

“Anything else you want to tell me while you're confiding your sordid life story?”

“You know what? Why don't you just go... screw yourself.” April caught herself just in time.

“Why are you telling me this Kepner?”

“Because I want you to understand how your showing up here is screwing up my life.”

“Well, I'm afraid we're not quite there yet. You're already divorced. I don't see why it matters what your ex thinks.”

“Because we're living together.”

Abbott thought his head might explode.

“You're living with your ex?”

April nodded.

“Raising your baby together?”

April nodded again.

“And now you're worried that something that never happened between us is going to mess up your relationship? With your ex-husband?”

“Yes.” she answered. Having to explain all this was dredging up feelings that she had hoped to never feel again. The divorce and its immediate aftermath were only slightly less excruciating memories for her than the event that drove her to Jordan in the first place. This from a woman who endured a kitchen knife C-sec on Meredith's table without benefit of anesthesia.

“Kepner, you need therapy.”

“We tried that.”

“We?”

“Yes, Jackson and I tried marriage counseling. He gave up on it after four weeks.”

“No, I mean YOU, you need therapy. Yourself.”

So now he thinks I'm unhinged, thought April. “Thanks, pal.”

“We were never _pals_.” Abbott said it and immediately regretted it.

April looked at him intently. “What do you mean?”

Abbott didn't answer. A long moment passed. “So, what do you want from me?” he asked finally.

“Forgiveness.” answered April.

Abbott looked at her, his expression betraying a hint of surprise. “Funny, that's what I was hoping to get from you.”

They looked at each other a long moment. April was just opening her mouth to say something when their attention was drawn to someone clearing his throat nearby.

“Someone paged for a plastics consult.” said Jackson Avery.

“Of course,” Abbott sighed. “that would be me.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I sure appreciate you all for following this story. It's by far my most ambitious attempt yet. Got a business trip starting today that will stop the updates for a few days so apologies in advance. I should have the next installment up by the weekend though. And of course, we can all hope Thursday breaks the Japril drought we've had to suffer since JTS. Thanks for the reads and comments and please keep em coming. :-)


	6. If Not That, Then What?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jordan - April realizes she's in a whole new world
> 
> Seattle +2 - Jackson and Abbott talk

**FOB-Juniper, 2014**

With an hour to kill before she went back on call in the surgical tent, April decided to go check in on her SEAL friends. She found them outside their barracks, enjoying the unusually mild weather.

Abbott, Tarpley and Ruiz were all shirtless, lifting weights. Murphy was reading a book, something about training dogs. Davis had a disassembled weapon on the table in front of him. He was wiping a piece of it with a soft cloth.

April felt the blood rushing to her cheeks. Ruiz was shorter than the other two, stockier, with compact muscles. Tarpley was taller and longer, with less definition perhaps, but April guessed he was stronger than he appeared. And Abbott? Well, Abbott was just perfect. Muscular, without being overbuilt, his flat stomach and well defined abs made him the definition of 'ripped'. He reminded her of Jackson, in his early years. Not that her husband had let himself go, but he hadn't been able to keep as active as he once had, and wasn't quite the same Adonis that had been able to put her into a mesmerized stupor just by removing his shirt.

She made an effort to tear her eyes away from Abbott before anyone noticed her beginning to _stuporfy._ She was almost successful.

Murphy had looked up from his book when she approached and had noted the expression on her face and how long her glance had lingered on Abbott. _Uh-oh_ , he thought, _gonna have to do something about that._ ”Hey Doc, welcome to paradise.”

The rest of the team looked up and nodded greetings to April. She responded in kind. “Hey, I've got some time to kill, do you mind if I hang out for a few minutes?”

“Absolutely, you’ve come to the right place. We are infamous time killers.” answered Murphy.

Davis looked up from his work. “Especially you, Murph. Hang out with him and you'll swear time has stopped and died.” he advised April.

That got a laugh from Abbott and Tarpley. Murphy shot him an offended look.

“This from a guy whose idea of fun is cleaning an assault rifle.”

April knew this could go back and forth for hours. She sat down on the bench opposite Murphy.

“How come you aren't working out?” she asked. Murphy shot her a warning look. Too late.

“Yeah, Murph, why aren't you working out?” asked Abbott with an evil smile.

April knew she had stumbled into something. “Sorry” she mouthed to Murphy as he shook his head.

“Now Chief, we've been over this already. I'm a short timer. If I work out any more I'll be too ripped when I go home and my poor wife won't be able to control herself and keep from tearing my clothes off and ravaging me right in front of the kids.”

April laughed as the rest of the team groaned.

“I'm afraid I wont be able to control my vomiting.” said Tarpley.

“Chief, can I get a Purple Heart for having a picture in my head of Murphy naked and ravaged?” asked Ruiz.

Abbott just shook his head. “How many more weeks do we have to hear this shit? Speaking of time stopping.”

“I'm just saying, if I go back all twisted steel and sex appeal, there'll be trouble. Better for my wife if I'm a little more well rounded.” persisted Murphy, winking at April, and setting off another round of comments.

Things settled back down after awhile and April asked Murphy about the book he was reading and whether he was planning on becoming a dog trainer when he returned home.

“No, but Annie's been telling me our mutt has been tearing up the garden and I thought I'd see if there was something we could do to get him to behave. You know it's pretty interesting anyway. I didn't think dogs had much of a memory but this book says they have great memories.”

“Maybe the dog can teach you something, Murph”, said Abbott.

“You should talk, Abbott,. You couldn't even remember my name.” April said, feeling a little guilty about the working out thing and so coming to Murphy's defense. She also remembered her irritation at Abbott mangling Kepner over and over.

The whole team laughed. April looked around at them, clearly left out of the joke.

“What?” she finally asked.

Tarpley explained it to her. “That was just the Chief doing his weird little psy-ops name thing.”

“What is that?” asked April.

“That thing he does where he intentionally messes up your name to knock you off your game and test you.”

“Wait! What?”

“Yeah, he does that to everyone he meets for the first time. It's kind of a sick little game but he gets a lot of enjoyment out of it.

Abbott just grinned.

A short while later April was shocked to hear Tarpley say, “Hey, Taco, you about done with those dumbbells?”

Abbott observed her reaction. “Uh-oh, Tarp, I think you just offended the Doc.”

“Really, how?” Tarpley replied.

“I don't think she liked you calling Ruiz _Taco_.”

“What? Why?”

“It's not politically correct where she comes from.”

“It's not correct anywhere.” interjected April, still surprised at the blatant racism she was observing and everyone's blasé attitude toward it.

“She thinks you called him Taco because he's Hispanic.” Abbott explained. “Right?” he asked April.

“Well, yeah, of course.” she answered.

“Ruiz, why do we call you Taco?” Abbott asked.

“Because I once ate 100 tacos in fifteen minutes.” Ruiz answered proudly.

“The world record is 103 in eight minutes, but still.” Murphy informed her.

“I won fifty bucks off that Delta sergeant thanks to Taco.” Davis added.

“Good times.” said Tarpley, high fiving Ruiz.

“I once ate five chili dogs at Der Weinersnitchzel.” Murphy claimed proudly.

“Yeah, no one wants to remember that.” answered Davis with a shudder.

God this is a different world out here, April reflected.

 

**GSMH Seattle, 2016**

Could this get any worse?, thought April. Now Jackson had found Abbott and herself engaged in intense conversation in the hallway. Had he overheard the last part of the conversation? Specifically had he heard Abbott's odd comment that they had never been _pals_? Even April didn't quite know how to interpret that statement. God knows how Jackson would. She could only stand there helplessly as Abbott turned to leave.

Brushing past a stricken April, Jackson followed Abbott toward the room where he'd left his patient.

“That looked pretty serious. I guess you two have some serious catching up to do, huh?” Jackson said, trying to tamp down a jealous anger that had flared up as soon as he had seen April and Abbott face to face in the corridor. .

“Not the kind you're thinking of.” answered Abbott.

“And how would you know what I'm thinking. Oh, wait, never mind. April told you.” he replied.

By then they had reached the patient's bedside.

“Lynn, this is Doctor Avery. I asked him to take a look at your injury since it's a pretty nasty gash in a pretty visible place and I want to be sure we minimize any scarring.” Abbott told the patient.

Jackson began to examine Abbott's work.

“You're wrong, you know, about what you're thinking.” Abbott said in a low voice.

“Am I? And why would I believe you about that?” Jackson replied. Abbott's stitching looked pretty good so far.

“First, I don't lie. Second, in my line of work we take a dim view of people who cheat on their spouses or with other people's spouses. And finally, and most importantly, you know April would never have done that. And if you don't, you should.”

The woman in the bed turned her head from side to side as the two doctors talked past her.

“You seem to think you know her pretty well.” Jackson replied. While his gut was telling him that Abbott was telling the truth and that April would never have cheated on him, there was obviously something going on here, something that went beyond a casual acquaintance in Jordan.

“Avery. I'm telling you that Kepner was just a friend to me and my friends. Period. If that's not good enough for you, I suggest you talk to her about it.”

Jackson looked at Abbott and knew he was telling the truth. It was a good thing too since accusing him of anything dishonorable would have likely been extremely dangerous.

“Lynn, Doctor Abbott's work looks pretty flawless. Can't see where I could improve upon it, so I'm going to recommend discharging you. Try to avoid too much sunshine though, until everything has a chance to completely heal.”

“Shouldn't be too much of a problem in Seattle.” Abbott added with a small smile. “I'll go start the paperwork to get you out of here.” And he left the room.

Jackson watched him go. Even though he was satisfied that Abbott and April had not had an affair in Jordan, Jackson still had plenty of questions about their past there. He still had questions about Aprils’s time in Jordan. He still wanted to know why April would throw away their marriage over it.

Lynn looked up at Jackson. “I didn't know doctors hated cheating that much. I watch this hospital show on TV and the doctors are all sleeping with each other all over the place.”

“Yeah, uh, that's not real...” Jackson answered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So you probably figured I wasn't going to let April cheat on Jackson.  
> But if that wasn't the reason, why let Jordan come between them?  
> Stay tuned.  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Comments especially welcome.


	7. War and Peace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jordan- April is reminded that her new friends have dangerous jobs.
> 
> Seattle + 2 - Jackson's efforts to make peace exceed expectations

**FOB-Juniper, 2014**

April was sitting in the mess tent with Murphy and Abbott when Tarpley, Ruiz, and Davis walked over with their lunches.

“It's IED, not IUD, Davis. An IUD is a contraceptive device. Geez, for a _ladies man_ you sure don't know much about ladies.” said Tarpley.

“It has nothing to do with ladies. The acronyms sound alike. Easy enough to mix em up.” Davis said defensively.

“You know, he has a point. In either case, if they go off at the wrong time, there's gonna be casualties.” added Ruiz.

Everyone, including April, groaned at his attempted humor. Murphy threw a dinner roll at him, hitting him squarely on the forehead.

“So, hows it hangin, Doc?” asked Davis, anxious to change the subject.

April glanced at him. “If I had an _it_ , it would be hanging fine.” she answered with a wry smile. Since she had started keeping company with the SEALs, she had been subjected to high doses of testosterone laced humor and teasing. This is what it must be like to have brothers, she thought.

“That reminds me...” began Ruiz.

April braced herself for whatever THAT may have reminded Ruiz of.

“I was over in the infirmary getting my toe fungus treated and your buddy, Major Hunt, was in there telling the doc that he was shipping out for home end of the week.”

“Taco, must you bring up your toe fungus every time we sit down to eat?” asked Murphy.

But Abbott was no longer interested in Taco's toes. “Does that mean you're shipping out too, Kepner?”

Once again all other conversation ceased and the men turned their attention to her. But the mood was different this time. And if April felt uncomfortable last time, this time it was far worse.

Exiting the mess tent, April found herself with Abbott, trailing the rest of the SEAL unit.

“I'm sorry.” she said, again. “But I promised Jackson it would only be three months.”

“Kepner, relax, you don't owe us anything. Go home. Be with your husband. The guy's already had to endure three months without you.”

“It's just that, I don't know, I feel like I'm letting you down.”

“April,” Abbott hardly ever addressed her by her first name, “we'll be fine. There'll still be doctors in the OR tent if we need em. Hell, if we can't find one, I'll do the cutting myself.”

“Now I'm REALLY feeling bad.” she teased.

Abbott acknowledged it with just a hint of a smile.

“By the way, you on tonight?” he asked nonchalantly.

April didn't dignify his question with an answer.

 

That night brought the first team casualty since Scott Triplett almost died during her second week in Jordan..

The SEALs again came into the Triage area as a group. This time it was Taco Ruiz who was supporting a wounded comrade. Davis had taken a bullet in the shoulder and on April's initial examination, was bleeding, but not profusely.

“Looks like a through and through.” she announced. “I think you got lucky, D. Missed your lung by a couple of inches. Gonna hurt like a sonuvabitch tomorrow though.”

“You're our lucky charm, Doc.” Davis answered. “As long as you got our backs we'll be fine.”

April looked at Abbott who just shrugged his shoulders. It seemed April had become the SEAL's rabbits foot.

In her three months in country April had become what the military like to call _salty_. She had some experience under her belt and knew her way around. From her perspective though, she had only just begun. With her tour ending in a week, she had begun to struggle with conflicting emotions. It was costing her sleep.

April patched Davis up and sent him to spend the night in Recovery, despite his protests that he would be fine in his own rack. The rest of the guys thanked her and gave her their usual Abbott team fist bump, which they had finally taught her just a few weeks ago.

As they began to file out of the tent, April tapped Abbott. “Hey, you know that they'll want to send Davis out of country to rehab, right?” Triplett had been shipped home as soon as he was well enough to  be moved. Of course his injuries had been so severe he would never be returning to field duty.

Abbott nodded. “Yeah, I figured. Nothing you can do about that is there?”

“Nope.” April just patched em up. What happened to them next was out of her hands.

“Yeah, getting a little shorthanded here.”

“Can't you get replacements?”

“Well, contrary to popular myth, there aren't a lot of guys trained to do what we do. And the whole service is spread pretty thin. I just hope they'll let Davis come back when he's 100%. But, that's my problem.”

“Sure.” April hesitated. “Abbott, can I ask you?”

“Ask me what, Doc?”

“Why did you do it? I've seen your work in the OR. You're good. Why leave that behind to come here? And get shot at? And see your friends get shot at?”

Abbott looked at her. _Oh crap,_ thought April, _she hadn't had eyes like that look at her that intensely since she left Seattle, left Jackson._

After a moment Abbott said, “I have my reasons, April. But they're my own and I don't really want to share them. Not even with you.”

Their eyes remained locked together for another moment or two before Abbott finally broke off.

“Thanks again for taking care of Davis.” he said.

“Absolutely.” April answered. In her head she pondered the two details she had noted in his non-answer; he had called her _April_ for the second time that day, and he had said _Not even with you,_ which would cause April to lose even more sleep pondering it's meaning.

As Abbott walked off toward his tent, April decided she needed to call Jackson. But she dreaded telling him what she was going to tell him.

 

**GSMH Seattle, 2016**

April was apprehensive. After last night, having Jackson find them locked in a discussion had been a really bad break. She was only more concerned when Abbott emerged from the patient's room and didn't even glance in her direction before going to talk to the charge nurse. At least he hadn't killed Jackson, she thought. Probably.

Moments later Jackson had emerged as well and April was relieved to confirm his continued existence.

He spotted her and immediately came to her.

“Can I have a minute?” he asked her quietly.

“Sure, OK” she answered.

He ushered her into an unused treatment room. “Jackson, I'm so sorry for ..” she began as he closed the door behind them.

“Stop.” he said. “I'm the one who needs to apologize. I was way out of line. I'm sorry. I should have known better.”

“I would never do that, have done that, to you.”

“I know. I know. I'm sorry.”

“It's the Jordan thing, right?”

Jackson looked at her. “I can't seem to let it go, April. Even now.”

I can't either, she thought, and that's probably why we can never really talk about it. “I know. I'm so sorry, Jackson. I really am.”

“Me too. I'm sorry too.” Jackson replied, thinking exactly the same thing.

April still wondered what had transpired between Jackson and Abbott but she was grateful that it had led to this.

 

Late that afternoon, Abbott was getting coffee in the Attending's lounge when Jackson walked in.

They acknowledged each other with slight nods but beyond that was a period of uncomfortable silence.

Once Abbott had his coffee he stepped aside and began loading it with sugar, an odd habit he'd picked up somewhere in the world. Jackson stepped up to begin filling his cup. He looked over as Abbott poured packet after packet into his cup.

“You like it sweet, huh? Your coffee, I mean. You like your coffee sweet.” Jackson cursed himself for sounding like such an idiot.

Abbott looked at him and then reached for yet another packet. “Yeah, I developed a taste for it somewhere. It always draws some funny looks.”

“I'll bet. All you hear at Starbucks is non-fat this and skinny that.”

“I always give em a fake name so they can't ban me.”

“Smart. They'd come after you on social media if you didn't”

“And my social media reputation is pretty damn important to me.”

Jackson laughed. “Hey, listen, I owe you an apology I think. The whole Jordan and divorce thing still stings. I'm sorry I thought that you and ..”

Abbott cut him off. “I think April is the only one you need to apologize to.”

“Yeah, I tried. Hope it took. We're trying to figure this all out. You know, for Harriet.”

“Harriet?”

“Our daughter.”

“April mentioned you two had a baby.”

“Yeah, she’s beautiful.” Jackson said proudly.

“Takes after her mother then.” Abbott said deadpan.

Jackson shot him a quick glance, unsure whether Abbott was kidding around with him or not. Finally, Abbott smiled.

“Got any pictures?”

“Only an iCloud full.” Jackson got his phone out and the two men were soon looking at pictures of Miss Kepner-Avery

 

After looking at pictures of Harriet, Jackson had mentioned that he was meeting Ben Warren for happy hour and asked if Abbott might want to join them.

“Does everyone here hit the bar after work every night?” asked the SEAL.

“Depends on how bad the day goes.” laughed Jackson. “You wouldn't let me apologize earlier but maybe you'll let me buy you a beer instead?”

“Well, when you put it that way, I guess it would be rude not to go for a beer or two.” Abbott answered with a smile. He was starting to think he could like this Jackson guy.

Warren was happy to have Abbott join them since he had heard so much about him but hadn't had the chance to meet him yet.

The three exited the hospital through the ER. Jo nudged April when they came through and April watched in wonder as Abbott and Jackson trailed Warren through the ward. “Jackson.” she called, running to catch up with him.

He stopped and waited for her to reach him while the other two continued on. “Yup?”

“Uh, what's this about?” she said, nodding in the direction of his departing companions.

“Just happy hour. I thought I mentioned it. You're OK to pick up Harriet, right?”

“Sure, I'll take care of Harriet. I mean what is with, you know, Abbott going with you?”

“Well, Warren wanted to meet him and he seems like a good guy, so we invited him.”

“We?”

“OK, so I invited him. What's the big deal?”

“What's the big deal? Twenty-four hours ago you were accusing me of cheating on you with him. And now you're happy hour buddies?”

“Oh yeah, well, we're all good there, right?”

April was a little flustered. “I guess.”

“Great, then I'm going to go. Unless you have an objection?”

“No, no objection.” she replied without a lot of conviction.

“Alright, see you at home then.” And Jackson left to go catch up with Abbot and Ben, leaving April to just stare at the door they'd departed through.

“I am never going to understand men.” she declared to no one in particular.

A female patient on a gurney nearby overheard her and offered “The sooner you realize that honey, the better off you'll be.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought about writing TB exposure for April into a Jordan segment since last night's epi had her with the antibodies that she must have picked up working with refugees in Jordan. But I decided not to since I don't want this thing to be 100 chapters. You're Welcome ;-)


	8. Abbott

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jordan - Murphy hints that April should keep her distance from Abbott
> 
> Seattle +2 - While April finds out just how far the rumors have spread, a Happy Hour gets unhappy in a hurry.

**FOB-Juniper, 2014**

As usual, Murphy was reading when April dropped by the SEALs barracks area. The man reads more than anyone else I know, she thought.

“Hey, Murphy.” she called.

“Hey, Doc. What brings you to our humble abode?” Murphy's big grin was contagious.

“Thought I'd come and see what literary works you were digesting today.” she answered with her own megawatt smile.

Murphy held up his book so April could read the cover.

“ _ **What If? Serious Scientific Answers to Absurd Hypothetical Questions**_ ” she read.

“New York Times Best Seller” Murphy said proudly.

“What's it about?, asked April.

“People ask really strange questions and then the author does a bunch of research to come up with scientific answers. It's really quirky.”

“Huh.” replied April. She could see how that would appeal to a renaissance man like Murphy.

“Like somebody asked _What would happen if you tried to hit a baseball pitched at 90% of the speed of light?_ Another asked _If there was a robot apocalypse, how long would humanity last?“_

“And there's a scientific answer for something like that?” asked April dubiously.

“Well, sometimes yes, most times no, but then the author makes up something quasi-scientific and funny as hell.”

April nodded. She was glad Murphy enjoyed this stuff but it wouldn't be making her summer reading list.

“I've got a question for you, Murphy.”

“Fire away, Doc.”

“What's the deal with Abbott?”

Instantly Murphy became guarded although April didn't realize it.

“What do you mean, Doc?” he asked.

“Just don't really know too much about him. I know he was a surgeon once but now he's a soldier. Kind of an odd career change.”

“Maybe. You’d have to ask him though.”

“I did. He didn’t want to talk about it.”

“So you thought you’d ask me? Oh Doc, you should know better than that by now.”

April gave a snort. ”Yeah, I guess I do, but you can’t blame me for trying.”

“Why do you want to know, anyway?” Murphy challenged her.

April tried not to look too interested. “Just wondering.”

Murphy looked at her intently. “Look, Doc, I like you, I really do. And my wife says I don’t know how to walk around shit on a sidewalk and I guess she’s right so I’m just going to come right out and say it. Don’t go there. Abbott is not somebody you should be interested in.”

April had heard similar advice before, about her interest in Alex Karev, from Jackson of all people. She hadn’t heeded it and it had almost ended in disaster. She still remembered Jackson pummeling Alex at Owen’s party because of her.

But that had been different, hadn’t it? Much different. She wasn’t asking about Abbott because she was interested in him. She was married. She loved Jackson with all her heart. Right? A little voice reminded her of a phone call that had taken place a day earlier and the disappointment in Jackson’s voice when she had told him she wasn’t coming home after all.

“Murphy, I… I’m not interested in him like that. I don’t know why you would …”

“OK, Doc, but even if you’re not, you create…” Murphy seemed to be searching for the right word, “difficulty for him, whether you mean to or not.”

“I don’t understand,” April answered, puzzled at his strange statement.

“Doc, I can’t tell you the whole story but let me just say this. You remind him of someone. Someone who it’s bad for him to be reminded of. It’s been OK so far as he’s allowed you to get close because of it. But the closer you get the worse it’s going to be. For him, for us, for you. Trust me, Doc. Ya gotta be careful.”

  
  


A week later, April got some new insight into Abbott. Insight she hadn’t sought and would rather not have had.

She had tried to follow Murphy’s advice, even though she hadn’t understood his cryptic reasoning. So she been intentionally spending less time with the SEALs than she had earlier. She had been subtle about it, she thought, at least until Abbott showed up outside the hospital tent one afternoon.

“Yes.” She had said when he appeared.

“Yes, what?” he had asked. He appeared agitated, or perhaps irritated.

“Yes, I’ll be on duty tonight.”

“Who asked you?” he answered.

Irritated, she decided.

“I thought…”

Abbott cut her off. “Nevermind that, Kepner, what’s your deal? You were supposed to go home last week.”

“So I decided I needed to extend.”

“What about your husband, Kepner?”

“My husband is my business.” she replied, growing a little irritated herself. And guilty, lets not forget that.

“Murphy have something to do with this?” Abbott demanded, even more angrily.

April was thrown off by that. Had Murphy shared their conversation with Abbott? Told him that Kepner needed to leave, for Abbott's own good?

“Why do you ask that?”

“Because he just extended too. He was supposed to go home but now he isn't. His wife and two kids are waiting for him and now he's not going home. Do you have anything to do with it?” Abbott stepped close and April could see his eyes angry and flashing. It seemed to her that he was barely hanging on to his control of his anger.

“No, of course not. I didn't know anything about it until you just told me.”

Abbott looked in her eyes with an intensity that frightened her. Finally he must have decided she was telling the truth because he looked away.

“You're both Goddamn idiots.” he muttered, and stalked off toward the SEALs quarters.

  
  


“Meet our new guy. Darrel Mackenzie, this is Doctor Kepner. We call her _Doc_ or _Kepner.”_

“Or April.” April cut in.

“Never _April_ ” Abbott cut back in on her.

April was mystified. Abbott was his old friendly self. It was almost like their confrontation a week ago had never occurred.

Mackenzie laughed. “Pleased to meet you, maam”

“Never _maam_.” April replied.

“I'll try to remember that, maam.” Mackenzie smiled.

“The doc here is our lucky charm. If anyone chews on us a little, she patches us up and gets us back in the fight.” added Abbott. “Davis came back better than he was before he got shot.” Davis had just returned to the unit a couple of weeks ago after almost two months of rehab.

“And what are we calling you Darrel? I know you guys have an aversion to using your real names.”

Abbott spoke before Mackenzie had a chance to reply. “That's a no-brainer doc, we have to call him _Mac_.”

Mackenzie nodded. “Pretty used to that one. Could be lots worse.”

“So why don't you have a nickname too?” Mac asked April.

“Well, I do, over in the surgical unit. But you guys don't use it.”

“Because its crappy.” explained Abbott.

She ignored Abbott. “They call me _Machine._ ” She told Mack. April was actually rather proud of it and her expression clearly said she resented Abbott for being critical of it.

Abbott read that resentment accurately so he explained.

“Kepner, that nickname sucks. Machines don't have feelings. They don't care whether they are successful or not. They are not invested in their mission. Any surgeon, doctor, soldier or fucking janitor that goes about their work like a machine is a waste of space. The thing that sets you apart, that makes you a kickass surgeon, Kepner, is that you care so much. So fuck that _Machine_ crap.”

April felt a surge of pride. Abbott had just told her she was a kickass surgeon. Abbott never praised anyone.

“So what nickname would you give me?” she asked.

“ _Red_?” suggested Mackenzie.

Abbott scoffed “No, too easy, and its got to be about more than a physical feature.”

“How about _Cutter_?” Murphy proposed.

Abbott considered that thoughtfully. “Better but not quite it. Wait! I got it. _The Soldier_.”

The three men looked at her.

Murphy nodded. “ _The Soldier_.”

April couldn't hide her pride and pleasure.

  
  


  
  


**GSMH Seattle, 2016**

“Plastics posse? Really?”

Ben had just told Abbott about the nickname that Sloan had started and Jackson had tried so hard to keep alive. Jackson just shook his head at Warren as he and Abbott shared a laugh at the ridiculousness of it.

“Could have been worse I suppose.” ventured Abbott.

“Yeah? How?” asked Ben, happy to set up the newcomer.

“Bosom Buddies?” suggested Abbott

“Lipo Suckers?” contributed Ben.

“Facelift Friends?” countered Abbott.

“Screw both of you guys.” replied Jackson with mock anger. “Next time you're on my service Warren, you'll be popping zits and draining cysts until you puke.”

“There's another one, _The Draining Cysts_.” replied Ben, undeterred by Jackson's threats.

“Or the equally worthy _Popping Zits._ ” finished Abbott. He and Ben clinked their beer mugs together to congratulate each other on their wit.

“Should have just picked up Harriet and gone home.” muttered Jackson.

  
  


Across the street, that was just what April was trying to do. She ran into Owen on the way to daycare.

“April, how are you doing? Are you OK?” Hunt asked.

“Yes, why wouldn't I be?” April answered.

Owen looked a little uncomfortable. “With Abbott here and Avery and everything I just want to make sure you're OK.”

April looked at him questioningly. “What _everything_ are you talking about?”

“Just the whole thing with Abbott, in Jordan, and now with Jackson finding out about it.” Hunt was growing increasingly uncomfortable and beginning to regret asking her.

April pulled up short, aghast. “WHAT whole Abbott thing? There is no Abbott thing. There is no Jordan thing for Jackson to find out about. There are no _things_ ” Her voice was rising as it usually did when she became upset.

Owen put his hands up to try and signal her to calm down. “OK, just calm down. I heard something about you and Abbott being caught by Jackson this morning and he and Abbott having it out right in front of a patient. And supposedly they were seen leaving the hospital this afternoon to go have it out some more.”

“Oh God, this place is ridiculous! There was no Abbott and I being caught by Jackson. There was no Jackson and Abbott having it out. And yes, they did leave the hospital together, because they were on their way to happy hour with Ben Warren. Unbelievable!”

“OK, OK, I'm just telling you what I heard.”

“Alright, well just so you know that none of this is real.” answered April.

Looking at the expression on Hunt's face though, April was suddenly worried that he didn't know that.

“Owen, you know that, don't you? There was never anything between me and Abbott. You know that?”

“Look, April, if you say so then I believe it.”

“But?”

“But I know you became close with Abbott even before I left. And after you extended three times ...”

“You figured it was because of him.” April finished for him. “Yeah, I'm getting that a lot lately.”

“And then you went back.” Owen added.

April was devastated. Even Owen, her mentor and support through so many trying times, even Hunt thought she had been involved with Abbott.

“I have to go. I have to get Harriet from daycare.” She couldn't look at Hunt.

Only when she was out of his sight did she allow herself to wipe her sleeve across her eyes to blot the tears that filled them.

  
  


Across the street, the conversation had turned to football and Warren and Jackson were arguing whether Ben's Seahawks were better than Jackson's Patriots. Abbott, without a horse in the race, let his gaze wander around the bar. But suddenly his expression hardened, and the knuckles wrapped around his beer bottle whitened.

At the end of the bar he saw a large man in a military uniform. He was animatedly chatting with a couple of women.

Without a word, Abbott arose from his seat and made his way toward the man. Ben and Jackson fell silent, turning in their seats to watch their companion.

“Maybe he knows the guy.” Ben said when it became apparent where Abbott was going.

“Maybe.” agreed Jackson. But something in the way Abbott was moving warned him that whatever was going down wasn't friendly.

Abbott approached and stood just behind the left shoulder of the man. It took a few seconds before the man in the uniform became aware of him. He looked over his left shoulder and asked, 'Something I can help you with?”

Abbott's face was a stone mask. “That uniform, is it yours?” he asked.

“Who else's would it be?” the man replied, making a face toward the women he had been chatting with to indicate that Abbott was probably drunk.

Abbott was undeterred. “I'd say it belonged to somebody from the 75th Rangers.”

“That's right. That's my outfit. Rangers lead the way.” the man answered.

“You were in the 75th, huh?”

“Still am. Just enjoying a little R and R here in the world until I ship back out.” He winked at the girls.

“Really? Kind of odd that you would be doing that here so far from the HQ at Fort Hood.”

The big man swung around. “Visiting my sister, not that it's any of your business. I'll be back at Hood by the end of the week.” He glanced at the women. “Then it's back in the shit.” he added, affecting his best thousand yard stare.

He tried to swing back toward the bar but Abbott reached out and grabbed his shoulder, instantly stopping his motion.

“The shit?”

“I'd tell you but then I'd have to kill you.” the man said menacingly.

Abbott smiled but there wasn't a trace of humor or friendliness in it. The big man wasn't smart enough to realize that the _shit_ had just found him.

“Colonel Evans still commanding the 6th Battalion?”

“I don't know, I'm in the 5th.” the man answered, suddenly nervous.

That was his last chance, thought Abbott, and he had managed to mangle it completely.

“You know what _Stolen Honor_ is friend?” Abbott asked quietly.

The uniformed man didn't answer. Instinctively, the woman closest to Abbott stepped back.

“Stolen Honor is when a coward like you, who has probably never served, puts on a uniform that a lot of brave men have worn and died in defending their country, and pretends he earned it.”

The big man tried to rise but Abbott's one arm held him fast. He began to sweat.

“Not only is it a criminal offense, but it really pisses off guys like me that have worn the uniform, and fought with the real men. The 75th Rangers is based in Fort Benning, and Colonel Marcus Evans is the Regimental CO, for it's _Four_ battalions. That makes you a three time loser, you puke, and you aren't fit to wash the uniforms of the Rangers I fought with in Afghanistan.”

The big man then made his most costly mistake of all. Spinning off the chair he tried to bull rush the smaller Abbott. He wouldn't remember much else beyond that moment.

  
  


Jo Wilson's eyes flew wide open when she saw a bruised and bloody Jackson and Warren following a gurney into the ER. Barely recognizable upon it was a man in a military uniform. He looked as though he had been beaten to a pulp. A police office entered a short time later to talk to the two doctors. The man in Trauma 2 wouldn't be talking to anyone for a long time.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The road is starting to get a little twisty :-)


	9. Sometimes The Shit Just Finds You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jordan - April finally gets an answer to Abbott's Surgeon to Soldier Mystery. Abbott runs a raid off the rails and puts his job in jeopardy. With the team in crisis, can April go home?
> 
> Seattle + 2 - While Abbott avoids criminal charges, his Stolen Honor episode has sticky ramifications at the hospital.

**FOB-Juniper, 2014**

“You were a surgeon, and now you're a soldier.”

Today she had found Abbott alone outside the SEALs barracks tent. The other members of the team were all using the satellite uplink to talk to their families and loved ones back _in the world_. Apparently Abbott alone had no one to call. That saddened April.

She thought that Abbott might look a little sad about it too. So she decided to engage him in conversation, although she could almost hear Murphy inside her head warning her.

Once the small talk had exhausted itself she decided to try the question she most wanted answered again, without much hope of success.

Abbott turned and looked off into the distance. “Now I think I know why they call you the _Machine_ over there. You are persistent.”

“You don't know the half of it. So you might as well give it up. I doubt it's classified.”

Abbott shook his head. But he was also smiling a tight lipped smile which encouraged April to press further.

“Com'n, hot shot surgeon becomes sure shot soldier, that's got to be an interesting story.”

“This is why I don't talk about being a surgeon. No one can figure it out. Everyone wants to know. How did you go from saving lives to taking them?”

April hadn't wanted to put it in those terms. Those were pretty harsh terms. But Abbott, and men like him, lived in a pretty harsh world. And sometimes it's uncomfortable for civilians to acknowledge it. For they place themselves there to shield the rest of us from it. And the cost to them is high.

Abbott turned back to face her.

“If you think about it, it's not as big a change as it might seem.”

Then I must not have thought about it because it seems night and day to me, thought April.

As though he could hear her thoughts, Abbott queried. “What makes a good surgeon, Kepner?”

April considered. “Steady hands, ability to work under pressure, preparation and training.” she offered.

“I like that list for starters. How about I add adaptability, dedication, and ability to work in a team?”

April nodded. “Those are important too.”

Abbott smiled. “I would propose we have also just described the qualities that make for a good soldier.”

“But a surgeon applies those qualities to save lives. A soldier does to take them. That leaves us back where we started.” she protested.

“But that's where you are mistaken. Your premise is all wrong. We are not out here to kill, though that is what we have to do.”

April shook her head slowly. “I'm not following.”

“April, we're here to save lives too. I'm here because every bad guy I take out, every bombing I keep from happening, every execution I prevent, is the saving of life. Yes, sometimes its necessary that there's a tradeoff but even then, I'm not the one making that choice, they are. April, from my perspective, I'm saving more lives as a soldier than I ever could have in an OR.”

April thought about this for a moment. “OK, that makes sense, I guess. But how did it happen? How did you decide to walk away from your surgical career and become a soldier? Did you just think of it one day and go enlist?”

There was a long pause. “No, not exactly.” For the first time since she had met him, Abbott seemed to be a bit unsure of his response.

April's expression betrayed the fact that she was expecting him to continue.

“I lost someone very close to me in the war in Iraq. I decided the best way to honor their memory was to enlist and serve in their place.”

April stared at the SEAL in amazement. He had given up a surgical career that he had invested so much in to honor someone he had lost. It must have been a special someone she thought.

April would have liked more information but Abbott clearly wasn't forthcoming with it so they moved on to other things. But April made a mental note to investigate further. Maybe Murphy would give up a few more details.

  


With her heart in her throat, April sprinted toward the OR. She knew Abbott and team had gone out with some Army soldiers, she thought they might be called Deltas or something like that. She had heard the Humvees roaring back into the compound and saw the dust flying next to the Med Tent. They would only speed through the compound if there were wounded.

As she stepped into her surgical gown, three gurneys were rolled in. None of them bore Navy men. She felt a surge of relief that immediately gave way to fear. What if the SEALs weren't here because they were dead or still out there somewhere? She willed herself to put those thoughts away and began to work on the soldier with the most serious injuries.

The other two soldiers had lesser injuries and were still conscious and speaking to each other. April could hear snatches of their conversation as she worked on their comrade.

“Fucking squids. If they had followed their fucking orders this shit wouldn't have gone down like it did.”

“Goddamn SEALs think they're gods or something. What the fuck made them jump those Hajii and turn everything into a shit show?”

“Sounds like their squad leader went rogue or some kind of shit.”

“Yeah, I heard he hosed down a bunch of civilians.”

“Civilians with AKs. Fuckin prima donna.”

Oh God, thought April as she worked to control her patients bleeding, it sounds like Abbott and the SEALs had found themselves some trouble today. She still didn't know if they had survived it.

  


After repairing the damage and closing her patients chest, April went in search of more information on the raid gone bad. She was able to find out that the three Army soldiers were the only casualties. Reassured, she went in search of the SEALs to see for herself that they were unscathed.

As she came within sight of the SEALs tent, she saw them gathered around their table. Murphy glanced up, saw her approach, and came out to meet her. Before April could say anything Murphy called out, “Not now, Kepner.”

Murphy usually called her _Doc_ , rarely _Kepner_.

But April was insistent. “Murphy, what the hell happened? Those Army guys said you guys messed up. They said Abbott went rogue or something.”

Murphy looked back over his shoulder before he answered her. “Doc, really, you gotta go. I'll come find you tomorrow.”

“You promise?”

“Promise.” he said, and turning, walked back to his team.

April could only stare after him before turning herself and heading back to her tent.

  


True to his word April got word that Murphy was asking for her outside the med tent.

“Doc.” he greeted her when she emerged from the tent.

“Murphy.” she answered.

“So let's start with what you heard from those those bullet sponges you talked to yesterday.”

April related everything she had heard said in the OR. Murphy looked across the compound, his expression grim.

“Murphy, is it true? Did Abbott do something bad?”

He looked at her intently for a moment. It looked to April as though he was trying to decide something.

“Doc, I'm going to violate about a dozen pretty serious rules in a minute. If anyone ever finds out I could end up in prison. If Abbott ever finds out I could end up dead. So you gotta keep this under wraps. Complete radio silence. Understand?”

“You have my word.” April answered.

“We joined up with a squad of Deltas. Our mission was to take out a bomb making factory in a village a couple a dozen klicks from here....”

  


Abbott addressed the dozen men. “The ville is large and possibly hostile. We don't want to find out how hostile. Stay tight and don't break formation for any reason. We have an eye in the sky to get us where we need to be and back out again so let's get in and get out all in one piece.”

The men moved quietly through deserted streets in the pre-dawn darkness. Their target was in the center of the village so it required a fairly long march after leaving their vehicles outside the town. The Predator drone orbiting overhead guided them away from any people that appeared on its cameras.

Aside from a few barking dogs they passed through unnoticed and were nearing their target when their headsets buzzed them to halt, with a warning that a large crowd was gathering very close to their target and complicating their mission.

Abbott relayed orders to the team. “OK, we are going to vector around this party and slip in from the east instead of the south.”

The soldiers moved quietly and quickly and were soon approaching the back of the building that Intelligence had marked as a major insurgent bomb making factory. The men could hear the noise of a large crowd nearby yelling in their local dialect.

“What the fuck is going on over there?” Ruiz whispered to Murphy and Abbott as the SEALs prepared to breach the building while the Deltas had deployed in defensive positions nearby.

“Don't know, but it sounds like it's getting a little rowdier.” Murphy answered.

“Quiet.” was all Abbott said.

When all was ready the SEALs breached the door and entered the building. They would try to take out this target with a minimum of gunfire, both because they wanted to be as quiet as possible and because the building was likely full of explosives.

The SEALs expected to find several men in the building but instead found none. They did however find plenty of bomb making material and explosives.

“Where the fuck are the bad guys?” Davis asked.

“Maybe they heard we were coming?” ventured Ruiz.

“No, they would have ambushed us or rigged the place to blow.”

“Oh crap,” whispered Murphy, looking out the window to the front of the building. “Chief, you'd better come take a look at this.”

Abbott came to the window and carefully looked outside. “Fuck.” he breathed.

  


The SEALs huddled with the Delta sergeant leading the Army squad. “Targets are not in the building. They are in the crowd out front. I want you to blow up the building on my mark. Then your squad will provide covering fire for ex-filtration to the vehicles.”

“Wait, why not just rig the building to explode when the bad guys come back?”

“Because we found evidence that women and children live there.” Abbott said. Murphy and Ruiz exchanged glances. Abbott was lying to the Delta NCO. There had been no such evidence.

“OK, we'll rig charges and blow the fucker up. What are you guys going to be doing?”

“We're going to take out the targets in the street.”

  


Abbott led the SEALs through the opening between two buildings. He signaled stop. Then he used hand motions to divide the team into 3 fire teams. Ruiz and Davis he sent to his right to find firing positions. Tarpley and Mac he sent left. Murphy he kept with him.

“You know this is a bad idea, right.” Murphy whispered.

“Our targets are out there.”

“Along with about fifty heavily armed friends, all mixed in with a hundred civilians.”

“Stoning women and cutting off the heads of their neighbors.”

“Not our job.”

“Really? Then what the fuck is our job?”

He thumbed his mic switch to activate his headset. “Everybody in position?”

“Roger that.” came back the quiet replies.

“Plastics ready?”

“Affirmative” answered the Delta sergeant.

“On my mark, blow it. Three Two One Mark”

“Fire in the hole” replied the sergeant, followed immediately by a huge explosion that obliterated the building formerly used to make bombs.

At the same time the SEALs opened fire, targeting anyone in the crowd holding a weapon. Several went down before the insurgents were able to return fire. The village square quickly emptied as insurgents sought cover and villagers safety.

An insurgent Technical, a pickup truck with a heavy weapon mounted in the bed, appeared on the other side of the square. It was time for the SEALs to pull back.

“Fall back. Shoot and scoot.” Abbott instructed his team. Each fire team withdrew quickly, one man providing covering fire while the other moved back to a new firing position to do the same for his partner.

Soon they linked up with the Deltas, and the Americans fought their way back toward their vehicles. It wasn't an easy retreat. The insurgents were able to regroup more quickly than Abbott had supposed they would. A group of them outflanked the Deltas and inflicted wounds on three of them before they were killed or driven off.

Finally they reached the edge of the village and the insurgent technical cut off their escape. It might have been very bad were it not for the Predator drone that had been orbiting overhead. It's Hellfire missile destroyed the technical and allowed the small American force to disappear into the rising sun.

  


Murphy finished describing the fateful mission and fell silent.

“Is Abbott in trouble then?” asked April.

“He made unauthorized changes to the mission, got three Deltas wounded, and endangered all of us. Yeah, he's in pretty hot water.”

“But was he right? You said they were stoning women and executing people?”

“Nothing is that simple here, Doc” Murphy answered.

“I'm asking what you think?”

“Yeah, he was right.”

  


After Murphy left April reflected on the world she had put herself into. She wondered how men like Abbott and Murphy stayed sane, with what they saw and what they were asked to do. She wished she could go to Abbott's commanding officer and tell him what she knew to be true; that Abbott was a good man who couldn't stand to see those people tortured and murdered and that, as an American, she was intensely proud of these men.

  


Two days later she had more bad news for Jackson.

  


**GSMH Seattle, 2016**

“How's the guy Abbott beat up?” Jackson asked Jo as she finished bandaging the cut on his elbow.

“He'll live. Mainly superficial stuff but he does have a broken nose and fracture of the right supraorbital foramen.” she answered. “He's just lucky...”

She was interrupted by the entrance of Miranda Bailey.

“So you want to tell me what happened, Avery?” Bailey was furious.

“What did Warren say?” asked Jackson.

“My husband,” she said, pronouncing each syllable distinctly, “declines to say anything other than that he is fine and I should go back home. I will deal with him directly. I am counting on you not to make the same mistake.”

Before Jackson could answer, Owen Hunt entered the treatment room. “Abbott did this? I warned April that this would happen.”

“Wait, what? What do you mean you warned April?” reacted Jackson.

As if on cue, April entered, carrying Harriet, who surveyed the room with wide eyes before going back to playing with her mommy's red hair.

“Warned me about what? Did you and Abbott fight, Jackson? I'm going to kill him!”

“April, what are you doing here? You went home 2 hours ago.” Jackson said to his ex-wife.

“I got paged that you were in a bar fight.” she answered.

“Who the hell paged you?”

Everyone in the crowded room looked at each other. It was Jo Wilson who timidly raised her hand.

With everyone looking at her Jo explained, “He was in the ER after a bar fight.” and threw up her hands to say _what else was I going to do_.

Jackson sighed, closed his eyes and raised his hand to rub his temple but had to stop short when he encountered a bandage there.

“Avery..” said Bailey.

“Avery..” echoed Hunt.

“Jackson..” began April.

“Stop! Alright, please stop. Everyone.” he added looking at April specifically as she was opening her mouth to say something more.

“You're making much more than you need to out of this.” Jackson just needed a minute to get on top of it.

Bailey shook her head. “One of my surgeons beats up two others, including my _HUSBAND_ , in a bar? I assure you I am _NOT_ making too much out of this.”

“Abbott could have killed you, Jackson. He's a trained killer. This is a big deal to me.” April declared.

“That's right,” added Owen, “we can't have our surgical staff fighting over Kepner in bars.”

“ _WHAT_?” Jackson, Bailey, April, and Jo blurted out simultaneously.

Alex walked by the open doorway, saw everyone inside and paused. “Now what?” he asked no one in particular.

Harriet looked at him and smiled. Jackson saw and thought _Oh, no, please don't go there baby._

  


Jackson had just finished telling the assembled staff what had happened at the bar across the street. How Abbott had left their table to approach a guy in uniform. There had been words exchanged. And the next thing they knew the guy had charged Abbott who had stepped aside and done some kind of martial arts thing that flipped the guy over and he had landed with a loud thud on the floor. And then Abbott had began punching him. Everywhere. He and Ben had rushed across the bar to try and grab Abbott and pull him off but Abbott had easily flung Jackson into Warren and they had both crashed down onto a table full of beer mugs, which is how they sustained their injuries. Just when they had been about to try Abbott again, the police had arrived and Abbott had immediately stopped his assault on the big man. By then, though, he had already inflicted serious injuries. So Jackson and Ben had assisted the ambulance crew that had arrived with the police to get the man to the ER.

“So Abbott probably didn't even know it was us trying to pull him away from the guy. There was no fighting between us at all. We weren't fighting over April. And I was in no danger of being killed by Abbott.” Well maybe, thought Jackson, but better for April not to think so.

Fortunately for Abbott, several witnesses at the bar vouched for the fact that the big man had attacked him. That Abbott's _self defense_ had very nearly cost the man his life was quietly ignored by the officers that had responded to the emergency call and finally put an end to the carnage. It didn't hurt that both responding officers were military veterans themselves. At any rate, for the moment, Abbott had dodged having charges filed against him.

“So Abbott wasn't arrested?” Bailey asked.

“Unless it happened after we left the bar.” answered Jackson.

“Where is he now then?” asked April. For one of the few times in his long April experience, her expressive face didn't give away her thoughts.

“I don't know. He was still talking to the police outside the bar when we left.”

“I think,” said Owen, “that this incident requires us to take strong disciplinary action. We need to protect the hospital from this sort of thing. Abbott needs to go.”

“What?” said April.

“Kepner, it was a mistake to bring him here in the first place. It was my mistake. This is our chance to fix it. Not only for the hospital, but for your sake too.”

“What? No, this has nothing to do with me.” April looked around the room at the others. Bailey met her gaze but Jo couldn't. Lastly she turned to Jackson. He shook his head.

“This has nothing to do with April.” Jackson declared, looking hard at Hunt. “And I disagree about punishing Abbott. The guy attacked him remember. He defended himself. It just so happens he defended himself a little too effectively.”

April smiled at him gratefully. He returned he look with a smile, which made him wince a bit, but was worth it nonetheless.

Bailey looked at the others intently. “I agree with Hunt. Abbott needs to be punished.”

“I'll call my friend at Bauer and let him know Abbott is coming back.” Hunt offered.

“Wait one second.” Bailey's voice stopped him. “I'm not sending him back. If no charges are filed then he will serve a three day suspension. If charges develop, then we will consider termination.”

She turned to Jackson. “Will I have the Board's support on that?”

Jackson nodded. “ I think we can support that.”

“OK, then,” said Bailey, “now that the easy part of the night is over, I'll go deal with Dr Ben Warren.”

  


“Should I get you another icepack?” April asked Jackson, peering at his split lip.

“No, it's fine, really. Thanks.” he answered. Normally when he was not feeling well Jackson wanted to be alone with his pain. But tonight, he was enjoying April's attentiveness.

“How's your head? Does it still hurt?”

“Just a little headache. My back is sort of achy though.” Jackson answered.

“Lie down and I'll rub it for you.” April instructed.

“My back or …?” Jackson gave her a sly smile.

April gave him one of her nice try looks. “You must have really banged that head because you are absolutely delirious.”

“Can't blame a guy for trying.” he answered.

“If you want your back rubbed you'd better lay down... on your stomach.” she added to dispel any doubts as to her intentions.

She had been working on his back for five minutes and almost believing he had fallen asleep when she heard him say something. April leaned down closer to hear him. “What?”

Jackson moved his head so he wasn't speaking into his forearm. “I said the whole thing with Abbott was really weird.”

“How so?”

“Well, one second he was laughing and joking with us and the next he was beating the hell out of that guy.”

“That honor thing is pretty huge to those guys, Jackson.”

“Yeah, I'm not talking about that. I get that. I'm talking about Abbott himself. It was like somebody threw a switch.”

April was listening intently now.”Threw a switch?”

“Yeah, it was like he was another person entirely. When I grabbed him he looked at me like he didn't even recognize me.”

Alarms were going off in April's doctor brain. She felt as though there was something she was not recognizing. That there were pieces of a puzzle that she couldn't quite put together.

 

It was the third and final day of his suspension. Abbott stood in the hallway outside the patient's room, staring through the window at the figure on the bed. His expression betrayed nothing of what he may have been feeling about the man in the room. The man he had put there.

The truth was, he didn't even remember the actual beating. It couldn't be called a fight after all as it was entirely one-sided. The last thing he remembered before looking up and seeing two uniforms and officers with hands on their sidearms, was anger and sadness that good men, brave men, had died wearing the same uniform this pretender was dishonoring.

Part of him, a large part, was very concerned about that lack of memory. A man with his... _capabilities_ should always be in control of himself. And he hadn't been. And that was dangerous. And the doctor he was recognized it for what it was; a symptom, a sign that he was getting worse. And he could not do that. He had to get back. His men were counting on him. No man left behind.

But the man in that room, he had the nerve to wear that uniform, without the slightest understanding of that code. That code bound every man in every branch of the service. They lived by it. They died by it. So he deserved that beating, didn't he? _God, please tell me he did._

Abbott was aware of a woman in street clothes coming down the hallway carrying a cup from the cafeteria. She spotted him finally as she neared the door to the room. She slowed and finally stopped at the threshold, staring at him, her expression hard and unforgiving.

Instead of going in to the room she turned to step and bring herself face to face with him. No taller than April Kepner, this woman's anger made her appear larger. “You're him, aren't you? You're the asshole who beat up my brother. Broke his face over a fucking shirt.” she spit out at him.

“It's not just a fucking shirt,” answered Abbott evenly, “and your brother knows it.”

“Don't you dare tell me what my brother knows and doesn't know. You think you know? Huh? Well maybe you do. Maybe you know that all his life my brother wanted to be a Marine, like his father. Did you know that, huh? And you must also know that a drunk driver hit us one night and took our parents and left my brother with crushed vertebrae and the doctors told us he may never walk again. But he did. He worked his ass off and made himself walk again. But of course the Marine Corps doesn't take guys with fucked up backs, does it? So, no, my brother never made it in the service like he always wanted to. Instead he became an insurance adjuster, which no one ever dreams of being. So every once in awhile he puts on that goddamn uniform that he bought on eBay and goes out for a beer. Just so people look at him with respect for a little while. Until some jerkoff comes along and decides he doesn't deserve even that little shitty moment and beats the crap out of him and lands him in the hospital where I guess we should be thankful his insurance coverage is decent.”

Abbott wanted to protest. He wanted to tell this woman about Stolen Honor and why it is so important that he felt he had to act. That he too had brothers to protect. But in the face of her fury he knew that would ring hollow in her ears. So he stood silent and let her anger wash over him. He could take it. He was a SEAL. He had taken worse hurt.

Her rage almost spent, she had one last salvo to fire at him. “But, thank you for your service.” she spit out with as much sarcasm as she could muster and flung her soft drink directly in his face. She spun on her heel and disappeared into her brother's room, determined not to waste another second on Abbott.

He could only stand in the hallway, sticky coke dripping off his face and hair to soak his clothes and puddle on the floor. He noticed a nurse nearby looking at him with a shocked expression. He licked his lips and made a face. “Damn it, I told her Diet Coke.”

  


 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're finally approaching the end of April's year in Jordan. You probably remember from that Christmas call with Jackson that her tour ends with a bang.  
> Meanwhile Jackson hasn't made much progress in understanding April's motives for returning to Jordan or the part Abbott and team played in it. But maybe there will be an event or two that leads to unlocking some of that mystery.  
> And what will become of Abbott?
> 
> Thanks for hanging in there. As always, comments welcome.


	10. The Soldier Appears in Seattle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jordan - A looming threat means April will finally be going home. But concern for Abbott is growing.
> 
> Seattle + 2 - April makes herself clear in a very public way. And more privately, a conversation with Riggs leads to a very important realization for Abbott.

**FOB-Juniper, Late December, 2014**

This was the first time the entire American contingent at Juniper had ever been briefed together. The base commander, Colonel Pritchart, got right to the point.

“Gentlemen, and Ladies, we have credible information that ISIS elements operating in Syria close to our position are massing for an attack in our AO.”

“Area of Operations” April heard a nurse in front of her whisper to another surgeon.

The Colonel continued. “I repeat, this is a credible threat and we have high confidence in its accuracy. Therefore I have been ordered to begin evacuating all personnel to commence within the next 48 hours. You will meet with your individual commands to coordinate your unit's evacuation and go over details for securing your safe departure. That is all.”

An army captain took the Colonel's place at the front of the room and began directing the individual units where they should go for their unit briefings. “Hospital unit to Triage tent!” he announced.

April and the other medical personnel packed the Triage tent where Major Hansen, the ranking medical officer stood by a blackboard that served as their ER board. April saw that Abbott stood nearby. Scanning the room she also saw the other SEALs standing at the back of the tent. They looked pretty serious. Only Murphy caught her glance and returned it with a quick smile.

Murphy, the _short timer_ who shouldn't even be here. He had been scheduled to go home eight months ago, a month or so after April had extended her three month stay. But he too had stayed. They were too shorthanded for him to leave, he had said. So he had extended another six months. Abbott had been furious at him, but grateful too. A shorthanded team was at a disadvantage,particularly in a place where anyone could be their enemy.

Then the fall had brought a serious escalation in activity with the SEALs going out daily. And instead of being home for Halloween, Murphy had extended another six months. Abbott had gone to his command begging them to send Murphy home. He offered to put him in a cage personally. But command had refused. If not for the uptick in activity and the way their forces were stretched to the breaking point, it probably would have been Abbott sent home in a cage, after the stunt he had pulled. But driven by need, Abbott had gotten off with a reprimand and a reduction in rank, which cost him in his wallet but allowed him to remain with his team.

After not speaking to Murphy for three weeks, except to tell him how stupid he was and give him operational instructions, Abbott was finally being friendly to him again. But still telling him how stupid he was. April, however, he still refused to speak to. He clearly considered her extensions to be a violation of the _No man left behind_ credo, Jackson in this case, being the abandoned comrade.

Murphy was one of the reasons April used to justify her own extensions to herself. How could she abandon them if Murphy couldn't. She ignored the little voice in her head that wondered how Jackson would have reacted to that rationale. She found it difficult to argue against Abbott's accusations against her in this regard.

And Abbott could never know that Murphy and Kepner shared a growing concern about him, that helped drive their feeling that they needed to stay and keep an eye on him.

Murphy had confided in April that Abbott had been having trouble sleeping of late, and what sleep he did get, was more often punctuated by nightmares. And in the time she spent around the SEALs, April could see for herself that Abbott was becoming more and more withdraw from his comrades.

Then there was the incident when some children from the refugee camp were having a disagreement that escalated into a fight. Several rocks were thrown and one group of boys in particular were responsible. On the other side, a young girl was slow to flee and the boys surrounded her and threw rocks at her feet.

Observing this, Abbott came unglued, rushing into the group of boys, yelling and throwing them bodily this way and that until they all ran for their lives. Davis and Tarpley had finally restrained Abbott and calmed him down but it took some time. April and Murphy had exchanged concerned glances.

Something was wrong with Abbott. Something that was eating away at his ability to control it by virtue of his iron will. April began to be frightened. It reminded her too much of her own reaction to an event not very long ago that had forever changed her. It reminded her of Samuel's loss and the devastation it had brought her.

But, there would soon be no more angst about whether to extend or not. They would all be pulling out. She was on her way home. The SEALs off to another assignment somewhere that needed their special skill set. April felt both relief and sadness.

They were told to pack all their personal gear except for a few essentials. Their gear would be trucked out in a convoy that would depart the day after tomorrow. Three quarters of the medical corps would also depart in that convoy. One surgical team would remain to treat any personnel that might need it. That last team would depart by helicopter with the last American personnel, likely Christmas day.

Major Hansen then introduced Chief Petty Officer Abbott to deliver the security briefing. The SEALs had accepted responsibility for securing the medical unit's evac. April thought she knew why. Abbott stood up and confidently gave instructions on what they needed to anticipate for security risks.

“While we believe the intelligence is credible, we have no way of knowing if the timetable we are projecting is accurate or not. Best case, the enemy arrives here to find an empty patch of dirt. Worst case, they are early and we have to do some fighting to get out of here. In any case, it is vital to remember one thing; Follow orders.” April thought he might be looking at her as he said it.

“We are hammers.” Abbott said, “Anybody not following orders will look like a nail. You do NOT want to look like a nail.”

  
  


**GSMH Seattle, 2016**

Catherine Avery was on the march toward the ER. Woe be to anyone who crossed her path this morning. Richard Webber followed in her wake. Returned from a trip back east, he had informed his wife of the events that had taken place a few days ago and Catherine was now out for blood.

Her targets included her son, who had somehow neglected to call her and inform her that a Navy SEAL fellow surgeon had almost killed him in a bar fight. She also had some choice words for Owen Hunt for bringing such a dangerous character into her hospital. But the main part of her rage was for the man who had injured her son himself. Abbott may have survived many battles against many enemies, but she was determined that he not survive this one, not intact anyway.

She arrived at the ER just in time to see her ex-daughter in law, striding purposefully across the room to confront Doctor Abbott herself. Catherine stopped short to witness the encounter.

Riggs and Abbott were treating a patient in Trauma 3. It was Abbott's first day back on the job after his suspension. He still wasn't sure he had gotten all the cola out of his nostrils. Riggs saw April approaching and cleared his throat to warn Abbott. “Incoming.” he murmured.

Abbott turned and immediately backpedaled to the wall as April seemed intent on running him down. When he could retreat no more he stopped and April looked up at him at close range in redheaded fury.

“Jackson is _MY TEAM._ He and Harriet are MY team. And if you hurt my team I hurt you. If you hurt him again I will frickin END you. I don't know how I'll do it but I swear I will figure it out. Are we clear?”

Abbott remained expressionless. Riggs, stifled a smile, no easy task with petite April threatening to end a Navy SEAL who could snap her like a twig.

“I said, ARE WE CLEAR?” April repeated.

“Yes, ma'am.” Abbott answered, without a trace of a smile. He seemed to be taking her seriously even if Riggs wasn't.

“Alright then.” April replied. She looked around the ER, daring anyone to laugh or smile. No one did. Riggs wisely wiped his off his face before she saw it.

April looked at the patient. “Did you order a CT for that headlac?”

“Yes ma'am.” answered Abbott and Riggs together.

“Good. Carry on then.” April turned and began to make her way to the ER board.

“Kepner.” Abbott called after her.

She turned back toward him.

“Now you really are _the Soldier._ ” he said.

April forced herself not to smile as she turned and continued on her way, ER staff and patients giving way before her.

Catherine Avery also turned and walked past Richard out of the ER.

“But I thought you were going to talk to Abbott.” Webber asked her.

“It appears to me that April has it all under control.” she answered. “But I do need to find that son of mine. HE is still in trouble.”

  
  


Finishing up with their patient, Abbott followed Riggs out of the trauma bay. Riggs spoke to him as they walked.

“That was quite a spectacle.” he said.

“Yeah, I'm sure they'll be talking about that one for awhile.”

“Good Lord, yes, I imagine they are talking about it in every corner of the building already.”

“God forbid anyone want to keep any privacy in their personal lives.”

“Privacy? Welcome to 2016.” answered Riggs

They reached the ER desk and Abbott picked up another chart.

“I understand you met April during her first tour in Jordan?” Riggs asked.

“That's right. And you met her during her second?”

“Her second trip. Technically it was her fifth tour.” Riggs was referring to the three month _tours_ the civilian doctors volunteered for.

“Right.” acknowledged Abbott.

“How come we never met there?” asked Riggs.

“Because we left Jordan when April did and never returned.”

“Hmm, curious.”

“What's curious?” asked Abbott.

“It's just that I'd swear April told me she went back because of you and your SEALs. There was something about a Murphy?”

Abbott froze. The blood drained from his face. That's why she had returned. She had no way of knowing that the SEALs would not be there. She had returned for them. In spite of what he had said to her. Or rather, _because_ of what he had said to her. She had kept the faith. It was him that had let her down.

  
  


April was sitting by herself in the cafeteria, eating a late lunch. A burst appendix and septic patient had delayed her and now she found herself eating alone.

Jackson slid into the seat opposite her. “Greetings captain, my captain.”

“What?” she said, her cheek full of salad.

“The word around the hospital is that you pulled rank on Abbott today and practically made him wet his pants. You are now feared and respected throughout the facility.” Jackson grinned.

“Who told you that?”

“My mother, for one, right after she ripped yours truly a new one for not calling her right away to tell her I had an owie.”

April snorted. “You didn't call your mother and tell her? Fatal mistake, Avery.”

“Now you tell me. Anyway, I think I got off easy because she was so anxious to tell me how you tore into Abbott and left him quivering and weeping on the floor of the ER.”

April rolled her eyes. “There was no weeping and the only quivering was me afterwards when I realized I had just threatened a highly trained killer.”

Jackson smiled and looked around. “That's not what the scuttlebutt says. It says nobody better mess with that badass Kepner because she'll frickin _end_ you if you try.”

Clearly Catherine had given Jackson a very detailed account of the encounter with Abbott.

April slapped Jackson's arm. “Stop it. Quit teasing me or you will find out how badass I am.”

“Yes ma'am” answered Jackson.

April knew then that she'd be hearing about this for a long time.

Jackson smiled and touched her hand where it lay on the table. “Seriously, though, that was a pretty awesome, and stupid,” he saw her eyes narrow briefly, “but mostly awesome thing to do. Thank you.”

“You're welcome.” April replied. This was turning into a pretty good day after all.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you'll like how this is unspooling. You'll probably see shorter chapters (possibly posted more frequently) from here on out as I'm finding less time to indulge my Japril. But I'm committed to get this home so thanks for making the journey with me.
> 
> The usual reminder that your reading is greatly appreciated and comments are the icing on the cake. Thanks.


	11. A Christmas Eve in Jordan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jordan - It's Christmas Eve and anything but a silent night for the remaining personnel of FOB Juniper
> 
> Seattle + 2 - For Abbott, some of the pieces of April and Jackson's story come together. Now, is there anything to be done about it?

**FOB-Juniper, December 24th, 2014**

With almost the entire base evacuated with the convoy yesterday, it seemed like a ghost town. The only activity was at the helipad where a steady stream of transport helos came and went, ferrying the last of the American personnel back to the Jordanian capital. Even the mess tent had been broken down and no longer serving any hot food being, meaning that Christmas dinner for the stragglers would consist of MREs, aka Meals Ready to Eat.

Among those stragglers was the final medical support team, including April, and of course, Abbott's team of SEALs to provide security for them. Their evac was scheduled for 0900 the following day, Christmas, when the last flight of helicopters was expected. Their departure would leave Juniper to whatever fate the future had in store for it.

Already some of the abandoned buildings and tents had been stripped by refugees from the nearby camp. The SEALs and other army personal guarding the base hadn't taken any action to stop them. It wasn't worth risking an incident.

April didn't see Abbott or the other SEALs until very late that night. They had been out conducting recon in the area, using the last of the humvees left in the base. Meanwhile, she herself had been kept busy treating the usual stream of refugee patients. The refugees would be the ones most impacted by the evacuation. The Jordanians were simply overwhelmed.

There was a squad of regular army still operating out of Juniper as well. They had continued their regular patrols through the camp and the nearby village, hoping that any insurgent elements might be fooled into believing the base was still capable of defending itself. It was a fragile facade.

At approximately 1925 hours word reached the med tent that a Humvee had hit an IED and there were casualties. April's heart leapt into her throat. There was no information indicating whether it had been Abbott's team or the other.

Then the wounded began to arrive and she had a brief moment to thank God the patches on the uniforms were Army infantry, rather than Navy SEAL. Then she began the marathon effort to save the injured infantrymen.

She was just about to close the first of her patients, after repairing numerous torn vessels in the man's torso, when a fresh batch of wounded arrived.

“That must have been a huge IED to take out two vehicles.” she heard Major Hansen, who had also stayed behind with his unit, say to one of the corpsman.

“Not an IED, Sir, they got ambushed. Would have been bad too if the Navy hadn't shown up and engaged.”

“Get on the horn. We're going to need medivac pronto. Any word on the SEALs?”

“Not yet, sir. Last I heard they were still engaged in a firefight with a large insurgent opfor.”

April didn't understand everything they were saying but she understood enough to know that things were suddenly going south in a hurry.

She and Hansen worked through the rest of the evening and finally, just as they were closing the last of the wounded, she saw Abbott walk into the triage tent. He was dirty and sweaty but the blood on his uniform didn't appear to be his.

April locked eyes with him, silently asking about the SEAL team. He understood, and nodded to indicate that the SEALs remained unscathed. At least for now.

Abbott was whispering something in Hansen's ear however and April could tell by the Major's reaction that it wasn't good news.

  
  


April caught up with Abbott as he was about to leave the medical area. “Abbott, is it bad?”

Abbott hesitated, torn about how much he should tell her. “Doc, it's not good. I think they may hit us before we originally thought.”

April bit her lower lip. Jackson would have recognized immediately that she was worried. “What should I do?” she asked.

“Just keep calm, do your job, but be ready to move in a hurry.”

Abbott paused. “Did you call your husband?”

April looked at him. “Not yet. I was planning on calling him tomorrow morning since he'll be at a Christmas party right then. I thought it might be a good Christmas present for him to have me coming home.”

“Stick with that plan. No sense in making him worry. We might still be lucky here.”

  
  


**GSMH Seattle, 2016**

Abbott stared at the chart but he wasn't seeing it. Instead, he was thinking about what April had said to him, what Riggs had told him, and what he had told her, on that last day in Jordan.

It was starting to make sense, as crazy as it all was. They had allowed April to get close. Check that, they hadn't allowed her, they had invited her to. She had been their lucky charm. And their safety net. Somehow it had been easier to load themselves into those helos knowing she was back at base ready to fight for their lives if they needed her to. The guys took her in and made her one of their own. Fuck it, he had taken her in and done the same. And, he admitted, he had his own reason for doing so that no one else knew about, or so he thought.

But he had always harbored some reservations about having her so close, he acknowledged. That she would voluntarily spend a year away from her husband, didn't make sense, unless their marriage was in shambles already. But Abbott had detected no such concerns from April. She talked about Jackson as though he were the love of her life and she looked forward to returning to him when her work in Jordan was done. What they had missed, apparently, was the realization that they themselves had become her work and her mission.

And Abbott had been able to push his concerns about the health of Kepner's marriage out of the way. At least until, in the last few hours of their time together in Jordan, he learned of a child that had died and he realized that Kepner may have found healing in joining them, but at the expense of her husband being left to his grief. Alone. To Abbott, that was clearly a violation of his warrior ethos. It was clearly a case of a man left behind.

Abbott, knowing his standards were impossibly high for mere mortals, tried to avoid judging others against them. But it was a struggle for him. Particularly in cases like this, where someone he had allowed to become close had made decisions that seemed to him to be unfathomable. And so he had failed. He had judged. And the price of that judgment had been borne by April.

Abbott finally looked up from the chart. Across the ER he saw April talking to Jackson. She was probably telling him about what had transpired in the ER that morning. She had every right to be proud of herself for that. He certainly was proud of her.

He saw April reach out and touch his arm as she stepped in closer to him. It struck him that they didn't look too divorced right then. Come to think of it, in the three months he'd been there, they never had. Jackson reached up and tucked a stray strand of red hair back behind his ex-wifes ear.

Abbott recognized that gesture. In a previous life he had done exactly the same thing to the strands of red hair on another woman's head. He knew what gave birth to that sort of gesture. It was all the evidence he needed. April still loved Jackson, and he her.

An idea began forming in his mind. Maybe, just maybe, there was a way to undo some of the harm he had caused.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all for the reading and all the great comments too. To borrow from GA, we're heading toward an explosive finish.


	12. Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jordan - The evacuation plan breaks down when the insurgents arrive earlier than expected
> 
> Seattle + 2 - Abbott tells Jackson what happened in Jordan

**FOB-Juniper, December 25th, 2014**

April calculated the time difference to Seattle. Jackson had said he'd be at Karev's place around 7:30 she remembered. So she figured if she called at 0500 local time, it would be 8PM Christmas Eve. She dialed his number on the SAT phone. It rang three times, or maybe four, it was hard to tell with the SAT phone, before he answered.

“Hey” she heard him say.

“Hey. How's Karev's Christmas-Not Christmas thing?” April forced herself to smile and act as though there was nothing out of the ordinary. After what she had already put him through, she didn't want to add a huge dose of fear for her safety to the brew.

“It's OK. Karev scraped together some pizza.” She looks good, he thought. He let out a heavy sigh. “I miss you. Wish you were here.”

“I'm sorry. I...I tried...”April began but Jackson cut her off.

“Really?” he asked in a voice heavy with skepticism.

Thousands of miles away, April registered the tone accurately. It irritated her a little.

“You've extended this tour of duty thing three times already. What does that make you, Colonel now?” Skepticism had quickly given way to sarcasm.

April struggled to keep her composure, struggled to keep his perspective in mind, struggled not to blurt out that she and the people she worked with here were in very real danger.

“Jackson.”

“April. It's Christmas.”

“I know that. Don't you think I wish I could be there with you?”

His response was instantaneous. “You could, actually. You haven't been drafted. You should be here. We're supposed to be...”

This time it was April who had cut in. “We're supposed to have a child. We're supposed to be celebrating Christmas together the three of us and every time I think about that I just..”

This time the interruption came from a man in uniform behind her. “Kepner, we need to pack up and bug out.”

She got up and heard some commotion outside the hospital area. She heard Jackson asking “What's going on?”

“Um”

She reappeared on the screen. “No, it's fine. Its just insurgents.”

Jackson's response was too garbled to understand. She hoped he could hear her. “I gotta go.” And then the link dropped.

April jumped up and turned toward the sounds of shells or firing of some sort that filled the air much closer than she'd ever heard them before. She found herself face to face with Abbott.

“A child?” he said. His eyes were very dark.

Another set of explosions could be heard nearby. People were yelling.

“There's no time.” April pleaded desperately.

“I'll be the judge of that.” he answered and his voice was ice.

And April saw no choice but to tell him the story, her story, their story. And in sixty seconds Abbott heard about Samuel, and her search for healing in coming to Jordan. And at the end of the sixty seconds, he looked at her as coldly as she had ever been looked at.

“Move your ass and keep your head down or I might shoot you myself.” he said and the tone of his voice made April believe he might be serious about that.

Regardless of the officers still present who outranked him, Abbott was indisputably in charge now. “Get everyone together in the Recovery tent.” he ordered. He picked up a walkie-talkie and dialed in their tactical channel so Major Hansen could try to keep track of what was going on outside the med tents. Then he was gone.

Hansen dialed up the volume on the radio and the remaining medical personnel huddled around to see if they could make out what was happening.

Amid the sounds of sporadic gunfire and occasional loud explosions, they could hear Abbott ordering his team to the defense of the compound, and their short confirmations. April could picture them as she heard their names called on the air. Mac would be taking his long rifle up onto the roof of the tallest building in the compound, a two story structure adjacent to the helipad. Murphy and Davis were taking up positions at the front of the compound, the likeliest place for the insurgents to attack. Taco Ruiz and Tarpley would cover the rear entrance in case the enemy tried to flank them there. Abbott himself was rounding up the last two Army infantrymen who were still battleworthy. They would be tasked with the last defense of the med tents should the enemy breach the SEALs defense.

It was difficult to make out what was going on after that. Occasionally a voice could be heard but what they were saying was difficult to understand. A voice she didn't recognize requested a sitrep. April knew what that was now.

Then they clearly heard someone, April thought she recognized Murphy's voice, yell “Incoming”. This was followed moments later by a very loud explosion that sounded closer that any before it. The lights of the tent swayed wildly. One of the Infantrymen stuck his head into the tent. “Everyone OK?”

Major Hansen replied “Affirmative. What's going on?”

“Mortars.” the army man replied. And disappeared again.

Shortly thereafter a new voice came across the comm channel. “Stagecoach 264 inbound Juniper eta 2 minutes.”

April heard Abbott respond. “Copy that Stagecoach. Carrying ordnance? Over.”

“Just the minis, Juniper. Things warm down there?”

“You could say that. We're taking small arms and mortar fire from the west.”

“Roger that. We'll make a pass on our way in. LZ secure?”

“Affirmative on the LZ. The pad is open. Appreciate the help. Marking target with smoke.”

Abbott called out to Murphy. “Murph, mark the target for our friends.”

“Marking target.” Murphy acknowledged.

A minute later they could hear what sounded like a big zipper being pulled across the sky. This was followed by the familiar sound of helicopter blades beating the desert air.

Abbott popped into the tent. “Let's go. Start moving the wounded to the helos. We want as many people as possible on this trip.”

The gun run the helos had made seemed to have discouraged the insurgents for the moment as the sound of gunfire had ceased. April didn't doubt it was only a temporary reprieve. The medical staff loaded the wounded onto the helicopters and once that was done, began to load themselves. But at that moment, a huge explosion near the medical tent reminded them the fight was far from over.

When the smoke cleared they could all see that they had fresh wounded to deal with. The two army infantrymen who had been guarding the med tents lay bloody and unmoving on the dirt. Hansen and April rushed to them. Hansen found a pulse on his. April did not.

Abbott ran over to her. “Kepner. Get on the helo.”

But instead April ran over to Hansen and the other infantryman. He was badly torn up. He needed surgery immediately. He would die on the helicopter. She met Hansen's eyes.

“I'm staying. We'll get him stable and make the next trip.” A stretcher was being rushed forward.

“Kepner...” Abbott began. But another mortar round rocked the compound, this one closer to the helipad where the two helos waited to be released.

Abbott turned back to April but she and Hansen were already running alongside the stretcher, heading back to the OR tent. He cursed and ran back to the helipad. “Better get going.”

“Got another ride for you airborne. ETA thirty mikes. Try to hold on.”

“Don't have much choice. Any air support with it?”

“Little Bird. Better than nothing. Merry Christmas”

“Roger that. Merry Christmas.”

And the helos lifted off. Abbott knew the next thirty minutes were going to be the longest of his life. Kepner and Hansen will probably feel the opposite but it was what it was.

  
  


**GSMH Seattle, 2016**

Jackson was getting coffee in the Attending's lounge when Abbott walked up.

They exchanged glances.

“We've got to stop meeting like this.” stated Jackson.

Abbott snorted. “I figure you're not likely to want to meet me in any bars so this is it.”

Jackson smiled. “Yeah, that didn't turn out so great, did it?”

“Not my finest moment.” admitted Abbott. “You OK?”

“Everything healing but my ego. Getting thrown across a bar is kinda hard on the macho self esteem.”

“Is that what happened? Funny, I don't even remember that.”

“Yeah, that doesn't help me feel any better about it.” Jackson answered.

“How about I just go with I'm sorry then?”

“Accepted.”

“Whew! Now maybe I don't have to worry about Kepner stabbing me in the OR.”

“Maybe.” Jackson replied.

“Maybe. She's kind of hard to predict isn't she?”

“No, actually, its kind of easy. She most always does the right thing.” Jackson responded.

Abbott looked carefully at Jackson. “Strange thing to hear from you.”

“How so?” queried Jackson. The light hearted mood that had begun this conversation had vanished.

“Was going to Jordan the _right thing_?”

“For her, yes.” Jackson had made his peace with that. He understood what Samuel's loss had been to April, and to himself.

“Let me rephrase that question. Was leaving you to go to Jordan the right thing?”

Jackson's expression hardened. This was taking an unwelcome turn. But now he wanted to know what Abbott was driving at with this question.

“For her, yes.”

“For you?”

Now Jackson was getting angry. “Look, Abbott, spit it out. What's your point?”

“Jackson, April came to Jordan, met my guys, and then we couldn't get rid of her. Do you know why?”

Jackson didn't. And that not knowing had almost destroyed him.

Abbott didn't wait for an answer. “Guys that wear the uniform do it for a whole bunch of reasons. Some do it because they are patriots, some do it because their fathers or mothers or brothers did it before them, hell, some do it because they don't see any other alternatives. But once you are out there, all that stuff falls away. The most important reason for getting up and going out is the guy next to you. We make a commitment to each other. No one left behind.”

“What does that have to do with April and I?” asked Jackson.

Abbott looked Jackson in the eye. It was important to him that Jackson understand this. He owed it to April not to mess this up. It had become crystal clear to him this morning, these two still loved each other. But they were apart now, and a large part of that was a result of April's attachment to Jordan.

“When April got thrown together with us in Jordan, she became part of my team. My guys really felt they were covered because we knew she was watching out for us if bad things happened. Even I believed it. More importantly to you, she came to believe it as well. That's why she kept reupping. That's why she stayed so long. And I'm guessing that's why she returned to Jordan later.”

Jackson was silent, digesting Abbott's words.

Finally he spoke, “That does sound like April. And that would explain her staying for the year. But she knew our marriage was over when she returned. I can't see how loyalty to your team would explain that.

Abbott swallowed hard. “That's because you don't know what happened on that last day and what I said to her.”

Jackson remained silent and after a few moments Abbott began telling him what had happened on that last day in Jordan.

  
  


As Jackson drove home his thoughts were all on his conversation with Abbott.

That April had stayed in Jordan out of loyalty to the SEALs made perfect sense to him. April was nothing if not loyal. He couldn't think of a single instance in her past where she had betrayed a trust or proven disloyal to a friend. With one exception. But was going to Jordan really being disloyal? Sure he had told her he didn't like her going but she had felt she needed to go and so he hadn't pressed the issue. But of course if he had known that three months would end up being twelve...

No, the real problem, from his perspective, is that she went back again. And that time he had been crystal clear about where he stood on it. She had known their marriage was on the line and still she had chosen to go. He had given her an ultimatum and, no wait, he didn't like that word, he had given her a choice and she had chosen what, the SEALs, over him?

But then that's where Abbott's story comes in, right? And he understood the impact those events and his words afterwards would have had on his ex-wife.

He needed to think. And then he needed to talk to April.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're still with me then you've earned my unending gratitude. Thanks for reading and always appreciate comments


	13. In Harms Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jordan - They escape FOB Juniper but the cost is high.
> 
> Seattle + 2 - Armed with information from Abbott, Jackson convinces April to try once more to help him understand her Jordan decisions. Abbott makes a crucial decision of his own.

**FOB-Juniper, December 25th, 2014**

  


Only fifteen minutes after the helos left the pad, the firefight resumed. Small arms fire from buildings on the perimeter of the base poured in on the outnumbered SEALs. Murphy and Davis were returning fire as best they could, moving from cover to cover as bullets and RPG fire decimated their positions. On the roof beside the helipad, Mac's MK11 sniper rifle ejected a steady stream of brass as he tried to cover his teammates. Meanwhile Ruiz and Tarpley were trying to repel an enemy probe to the rear of the camp.

Abbott had rushed to help them and they had some success in discouraging that attempt. He had taken a little optimism from this, but it was shortlived as mortar shells began falling inside the compound again. It was Davis who radioed that he was running short of ammunition for his M4A1 assault rifle but Abbott knew they would all be running dangerously low soon.

Where are those damn helos?, he wondered. As if in answer, his earbud crackled to life. “Juniper, you have Hacksaw 61 inbound, ETA 5 minutes. Over.”

“Hacksaw, Juniper. LZ is hot, repeat LZ is hot. We are taking small arms and mortar rounds. Over.”

“Roger, Juniper. We have Checkmate alongside for support.”

Checkmate must be the Little Bird scout helo that Stagecoach had told him about. While not really a gunship, the Little Bird packed a punch that would definitely come in handy, provided of course they were still alive when it got here.

Abbott sprinted to the OR tent where April and Hansen were still working on their patient.

As Abbott had predicted, even working recklessly quickly, thirty minutes wasn't near enough time to repair enough damage to stabilize the soldier so he could survive the flight back to friendly territory.

And when Abbott stuck his head in, they had only had him on the table for twenty three minutes.

“Close, now!” Abbott ordered.

Hansen paused, unsure. April, however, didn't. “Ten minutes.” she answered.

“Bullshit ten minutes!” Abbott erupted, “Close NOW! That's a Goddamn order.”

“Ten minutes.” April calmly insisted. The patient on the table was nineteen, maybe twenty. She was not going to let him die because they couldn't afford ten minutes.

“I'll shoot him myself.” Abbott said quietly, pulling his sidearm from its holster and moving toward the table.

April moved to block him. “Are you married Abbott?” she asked him.

The SEAL stopped dead in his tracks, his eyes wide and wild as he stared at her. “Yes” he whispered. “No, not anymore.” he corrected, frozen in place.

There was no time for April to analyze that odd answer. “Well if it was your wife on the table would you want me to quit?”

Abbott seemed unable to answer so April continued.

“You're wasting time. Give me ten minutes.”

The radio crackled. It was Murphy's voice. “We can hold another ten.” he said. Abbott realized his headset was transmitting.

“Piece of cake.” they heard Ruiz agree.

“Roger that.” they could tell it was Mac because of the distinctive sound his weapon made.

“Work fast, Doc.” Murphy added.

And Abbott re-holstered his weapon. “Work fast, doc.” he echoed.

Eight minutes later April and Hansen hastily closed the chest of the wounded man. He at least had a chance now. It was a little earlier than the ten minutes she had demanded. But it was still too late.

“Hacksaw inbound. Let's make this quick friends.” The helicopter pilot had been orbiting so his door gunner could provide the SEAL defenders a little support. From his vantage point he had seen and reported the bad news. Scores of insurgents were converging on the beleaguered base, and along with them came heavy weapons.

The only good news was that Checkmate had located at least one of the truck mounted mortars that had been raking the compound and had silenced it, permanently.

As soon as he saw the first helo coming in to the pad, Abbott led April and the surgical team, bearing their patient on a stetcher, sprinting for the aircraft.

Immediately behind it, the second helo was also coming in. “Alright guys, our Uber is here. Lets get the fuck out of here. Shoot and scoot” Abbott called as he began helping load the first helo.

But before any of the SEALs could follow his order, two technicals, pickup trucks with large caliber machine guns mounted in the beds, pulled up outside the gate and began spraying the positions the two SEALs occupied. They were pinned. To make matters worse, a large truck pulled up just behind the technicals and a large number of armed insurgents spilled out to take up firing positions fifty feet from where the SEALs lay prone.

It would have gone very badly then were it not for the Little Bird, which had given up mortar hunting and circled back to the base.

“Checkmate inbound hot.” April heard over the helicopters speaker.

The road outside the base entrance suddenly erupted as pieces of metal and flesh flew everywhere. Checkmate finished his run and neither the technicals nor insurgents who had surrounded it, would be doing any more damage.

Gotta buy that helo pilot a beer when we get back to Amman, thought Abbott. “Let's go!” he barked into his headset. Davis was immediately up and running back toward the helipad. Murphy was slower. By the time he began running from his position, Davis had already covered half the ground. April heard Abbott mutter “Com'n lard butt.” She noticed that Mac, Tarpley and Ruiz were already piling into the other helo.

That's when all hell broke loose. Two mortar shells landed simultaneously where Murphy was trying to come up to speed. He disappeared in the smoke and dust and dirt. Beyond, partially obscured by the same debris and smoke, another insurgent vehicle pulled up and a heavy machine gun began to spray bullets into the compound.

The SEALs reacted instantly. Davis was already prone and firing his weapon toward the technical. Ruiz and Tarpley were back out of their helo and moving to take up firing positions as well. Mac was prone beside the helipad trying to pick off the machine gunner.

Abbott yelled for the helo with the med staff to take off and then he too was racing. Racing toward Murphy. Running directly toward the enemy fire. It was a picture that would remained seared in April's memory. Then their helo lifted off the pad and she had to stick her head out the door to see what was going on back in the compound.

She saw another large explosion that she knew indicated another mortar shell had fallen. She saw the small Little Bird helo swooping low again, expending the last contents of its magazines. Through the smoke and chaos she saw Abbott go down and her heart skipped beats as the helo climbed and turned and she lost sight of the base. When she was able to see again she saw Abbott carrying Murphy back to the second helo while the other SEALs fired and fell back to the helipad as well.

Then the helicopter turned toward Amman and safety. And a few minutes later she was relieved to see the second helo pull alongside, the Little Bird flanking it's far side. Her relief was short lived. She could see inside the open door that Abbott was frantically working on someone she assumed to be Murphy. April began to pray.

  


**GSMH Seattle, 2016**

April was still upbeat when she arrived home that night, her mood so good it hadn't been spoiled by a last minute MVC that had extended her work day by an hour and a half.

She hung her keys on a hook and entered to find Jackson at the table, dinner for two set before him.

“It's a little cold, I'm afraid.” he said apologetically.

“Jackson, I didn't know you were preparing a dinner for us. I would have called when I got stuck. What's the occasion?”

“No occasion really.” he answered.

“Huh.” she answered. This was a whole new thing. They occasionally shared meals but this was different somehow.

“Where's Harriet?” she asked as she put down her bag.

“Asleep, if you can believe it.”

“My, this is an eventful day. I'll have to wake her up to feed her.”

“Nope, I gave her some of the milk you've got stored up in the fridge.”

“Wow! Can I clone today and use it again sometime?” asked April, smiling.

Jackson looked at her carefully. “You might want to hold off on the cloning thing. I'd like to have a talk. About Jordan”

Suddenly April wasn't smiling anymore.

“Jackson, this talk never ends well.”

“I'm aware. But I feel like I'm..” Jackson searched for the right word, “haunted by it and I'd like not to be.”

“But isn't it water under the bridge by now? I mean how does it help to resurrect such a painful memory? And I've apologized a hundred times already. Can't we just bury it and let it rest in peace?” April's good day had quickly turned sour and she felt tired all of a sudden.

“Maybe that would work. If mysterious Jordan acquaintances of yours didn't keep popping up to remind me.”

“What? Abbott?”

“And Riggs and who knows next year. Plus every time I see Hunt in the hallway I'm reminded that he was the one who recruited you to begin with.”

April's voice rose as this version of the Jordan conversation showed no signs of being better than any of the previous. “He didn't _recruit_ me, Jackson. He just described it when I asked.”

“Sure, OK, but my point is that I'm reminded of Jordan all the frickin time.”

“And my point is that it's ancient history. Why does it matter any more?”

“It just does.” Jackson insisted. “To me, it does.”

April tried to comprehend what Jackson was saying. But it made no sense. It made no sense unless... April couldn't allow herself that particular _unless_. But why else would he possibly still care? But if there was even the shred of a chance then she would endure this topic one more time.

“OK, lets talk about Jordan.”

  


Abbott sat at the bar alone. He had purposefully avoided Joes, not that he was particularly welcome there any more. But that hadn't bothered him. He just wanted to avoid the hospital crowd tonight. He wanted a drink and to think.

He had plenty to think about. Somehow he had become entangled in the Kepner Avery saga for one thing. I'll be damned if I can figure out how that happened, he thought. April Kepner. He knew she would be trouble the moment he first laid eyes on her. Which led him to the second thing weighing his mind down tonight. It was another anniversary. The annual reminder of the worst day of his life. The day two lives ended and a new one began. And that in turn led him to the final thing consuming thought cycles in his head tonight; His orders had come in. Now he faced a choice to either accept another deployment or quit and make the leap to civilian life.

No one at Grey Sloan knew it but for Abbott his time there was a sort of field test to see if he could return to civilian life. It wasn't a Navy thing as much as it was a personal thing. And in his evaluation the results had been mixed at best.

The work itself had been the best thing. Only a few people in the world would find the life of a trauma surgeon relaxing. But Abbott was one of those few. Having the life of one person at a time in his hands was infinitely easier than making decisions that would save or destroy a team of six. So there was that.

But on the not so great side, he had struggled with all the drama at the hospital and in the process somehow managed to cause all kinds of trouble for Kepner. And he hadn't wanted to.

And in the epic failure department, he had almost killed that guy in the bar. And that alone told him he wasn't ready to come back to this world yet. Would he ever be, he wondered? He knew what Murphy would say. He wondered what she would say.

So really, the last thing was pretty much decided. He would go back. There would always be a team of guys over there that needed a good leader. And he was a good leader. He was just so damned tired of it. And in the back of his mind the fear remained, that he would give in to the darkness, and what would happen if he did. But that fear would follow him wherever he went.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Turns out Jackson wasn't worried for April's safety for nothing.  
> Thanks for reading and comments are gold.


	14. No Man Left Behind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jordan - A devastating loss leads to a heartbreaking departure.
> 
> Seattle +2 - Jackson finally hears the whole story while April gets something she was looking for, but indirectly.

**Muwaffaq Salti Air Base,** **Jordan** **December 25th, 2014**

The two helos touched down together. April jumped off immediately and, leaving Hansen to help offload their patient, rushed to the helicopter the SEAL team was on. She arrived to find Abbott furiously doing compressions on an unresponsive Murphy. April's practiced eye told her his wounds were fatal. But Abbott wasn't giving up and neither could she.

For five minutes they performed compressions and respiration breathing right there in the helo. Finally a gurney was rolled up, Murphy transferred from the helo, and, with April astride him on the gurney continuing compressions, the SEALS rushed their comrade toward the base ER.

They tried everything they could think of. But he had been down too long. There was nothing they could do to bring him back. Finally, April stopped. Abbott continued for a minute longer before he looked at her, and knew it was over. “Time of death ...” April began. But Abbott was on his way out of the room and never heard her completion.

April found them in a small courtyard outside the base hospital. There were a few picnic benches there and Ruiz, Davis, and Mac were sitting silently, their close company providing some comfort for their loss. Tarpley was nearby, pacing, muttering “Fuck!... Fuck Fuck Fuck!” and flexing his fingers over and over. Abbott leaned against the corner of the building, his back to the others, looking out over the broad expanse of the airfield.

Ruiz was the only one to acknowledge her, giving her a small sad nod before dropping his gaze back to the ground between his feet. She went to Abbott and stood behind him but if he was aware of her, he didn't show it. Tentatively she reached out to touch his shoulder.

He whirled around on her so abruptly and violently that she involuntarily took a step back. His blue eyes flashed pain and anger. A chill ran through her as she realized the anger was for her.

“Don't.” Abbott warned through gritted teeth. “Just don't.”

Caught by surprise April tried to form words, “I...I..” but was cut off as Abbott stepped towards her, causing her to take another step back against the wall of the hospital. There was no further retreat possible from there. But Abbott continued to advance and his body now effectively pinned her against the wall. His hands shot out to cut off any movement to the side as well. She could only look up at him in fear and confusion. She was aware that the other SEALs were looking at them now. Tarpley had ceased pacing and was now quietly moving toward them. If Abbott meant to harm her, they were nowhere near close enough to help her.

“You're not one of us.” Abbott growled in a low voice. “You don't follow orders. And because of that, Murphy is dead.”

The blood rang in April's ears. Abbott blamed her for Murphy's death. Was she responsible?

It was Tarpley who answered. “Chief. It was Murph who argued her case, remember? We all did. She was just doing her job. She was just honoring the code. No man left behind. Right?”

As Tarpley spoke, Abbott had directed his gaze sideways towards him. Now he looked again at April, his blue eyes inches from her hazel ones. A wild thought crossed her mind. _He's going to kiss me, or kill me._

“No man left behind?” he scoffed. “Is that what you were thinking, Kepner? I don't think so, Tarp. Not when she left her husband behind. Right after their baby died. Isn't that right, Doc?” Abbott spit out the last with unmistakable venom. “No, Tarp, Doctor Kepner doesn't have a great track record with _No Man Left Behind_.”

April looked and saw that Tarpley now stood a few feet away. He looked at her for a moment, then looked away. She closed her eyes in a vain attempt to keep her tears from coming. Blindly she turned and felt Abbott give way and release her. By feel she made her way a few feet along the wall. Finally she opened her eyes again and looked toward Ruiz, Davis, and Mac. But now they would not meet her gaze either.

She hesitated, gathering herself to make one last attempt to speak to Abbott. But before she could turn she heard him say, “Go home Kepner. You're not one of us.”

And April fled, walking slowly, but fleeing all the same.

She saw them one last time the next day. As she waited to board a bus for a ride to Amman's international airport to begin her long journey home, she saw in the distance a military transport with it's huge cargo door raised. She saw a flag draped coffin being wheeled across the tarmac by five soldiers. She knew she was watching Murphy's body begin its journey home as well.

 

**Seattle, 2016**

“Let's start with your going to Jordan in the first place.” Jackson suggested.

April sighed. This was a well worn path. “When we lost Samuel, I lost a part of me too. I felt like I was underwater and I just couldn't seem to fight my way to the surface.”

Jackson had sworn to himself that he would suppress his own feelings to give April space to share hers. But it was an impossible promise for him to keep. “I tried to be there for you.”

“Yes, you did. But Jackson, it almost made it worse. You seemed to bounce back so quickly. You went back to work so fast. You seemed so _normal_ so soon. You even suggested we try again.”

“April, that was all a bluff. I was covering, trying to be strong for you. I was trying to help you.”

“But don't you see? All it did was make me feel weak. Make me feel like even more of a failure.”

“Failure? What?” asked Jackson. This was something that he hadn't heard from her before.

“Yes, failure, of course, failure. I had failed at being a good Christian, I had failed you a dozen times, and I had failed at the most important job I'll ever have, being a mother.” April replied.

“That's crazy! April, you didn't fail. Samuel was nothing you did wrong. And the other things either. You hadn't failed me.” Unspoken was _until you went to Jordan_.

April interrupted. “I did. I treated you badly when we were first together and I hurt you after the pregnancy scare. I waited too long to tell you how I felt.”

“April, we both made mistakes. And if anyone is to blame for making you feel like you failed as a Christian it would be me. I should have been honest and told you I... how much I felt for you right from the start. Then we could have avoided all that heartache.”

Silence descended for a moment as both Jackson and April struggled to gather their thoughts.

It was Jackson who returned to the subject at hand. “So you were hurting.”

“And I didn't realize how much you were too. I didn't seem to be doing much good for anyone, even myself. So when Hunt told me about the work being done in Jordan it seemed like it was a chance. A chance for me to go be useful again. A chance to redeem myself. I thought it was a sign from God.”

April looked hard at Jackson, waiting for him to roll his eyes or otherwise convey his feelings about her faith in a higher power. But she saw none. She appreciated that. Maybe he was really understanding what she was telling him.

Jackson truly was, actually, understanding what she was saying. He had been playing the strong one. It was what he had always done, particularly in his relationship with April. Had it somehow backfired on him this time? It seemed entirely possible.

“So you went.”

“Yes, though I knew you weren't happy about it, I appreciated you trying to be...”

“Supportive. Yeah, I should have been more honest then too.” Jackson replied.

“That was part of your _act_ too?” April asked.

“Yes, strong and supportive. Wonder if it would have changed anything?”

“I don't know. We never will. But I know what I would have argued.”

“Yeah, that it's only three months.” Jackson answered.

“Only three months.” April echoed. “Jackson, I honestly believed that I would be home in three months.”

“But then you joined the SEALs.” Jackson said.

April's eyes grew wide. “Wait, what? Who told you that?”

Jackson didn't have to answer, April figured it out herself. “Abbott.” she said quietly. “What else did he tell you?”

“Everything. How you became part of his team. How you were always there to take care of them if they needed you. How they believed that you were their lucky charm. And how you felt that leaving them to come home would be a betrayal of their trust.” Jackson struggled to get the last out of his mouth.

April looked at Jackson across the table and tried to read his expression. Abbott apparently had told him a great deal about what had happened in Jordan. But maybe not as everything as Jackson believed.

“And he told me how he found out about Samuel, blamed you for his friend's death and abandoning me, and told you that you weren't really one of them.”

April was rocked. Abbott really had told him everything.

“And then he told me that he was wrong that day. That it wasn't your fault, any of it, and that he hoped that you would forgive him one day for saying it. He said the only thing he had been right about was that you really are a soldier.”

April fought back the tears that wanted to flow. _Forgiveness_ she had told Abbott. That was what she had wanted from him. And what had he replied? That's what he sought too. This is what he had meant.

April felt as if a huge weight had been lifted from her heart. She had been living with the guilt and pain of that day for almost two years now. She had never dared tell Jackson about the SEALs and the part they had played in her decisions. She had never been able to make it sound right. How do you tell your husband that you had felt the need to prioritize loyalty to a group of men you had only just met over returning to him?

Even now, a lifetime it seemed later, it still cursed him. April looked at Jackson but his expression remained neutral. Clearly, understanding these circumstances wasn't freeing him from the pain and anger he felt about her decisions.

“Jackson, I know this is hard to accept. But I really thought they needed me more than you did. I really believed God sent me to Jordan to watch over them. I'm so sorry.”

“I get that. Sort of. I'm trying to get that. The part that I don't get though, is why you would go back.”

“I believed they would be there. That they needed me still.”

“After what Abbott said to you?”

“Especially after that!” April cried. “To not go back would just prove that he was right. I couldn't abandon them.”

“But you could abandon me? Abandon our marriage? When I was clear about the consequences? Did you think God wanted that?”

“Jackson, I was sure we could fix us. But in Jordan, it was a matter of life or death.” April pleaded.

“Life or death? That's a little dramatic, don't you think?”

“No, Jackson, it's not. There's something wrong with Abbott, Jackson. I've seen it. Murphy knew it too. That's why he stayed. And I promised him that if anything happened to him, I would look after Abbott. I had to go back, Jackson. I had to.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Both Jackson and April get what they wanted in this chapter. But are the answers Jackson sought going to make him feel any differently about April and Jordan?  
> April wanted forgiveness from Abbott and apparently received it via Jackson of all people. But is that the forgiveness she needs the most?  
> And what is wrong with Abbott?  
> Thanks for the read. Comments are MOST appreciated.


	15. If a Tree Falls...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A vicious storm hits Seattle on a night that both April and Abbott are on duty. For Abbott, it brings a challenge he's never encountered. For April, a bad case of deja vu (back to 9x24).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Realized after posting that this chapter may be confusing because I suddenly went from time-shifting to place-shifting. It's probably violating a cardinal rule of fanfic to do this but I'm pretty new to this whole thing so please forgive me if you got tripped up on that.
> 
> I've tried to make some little corrections.
> 
> PS Extra points for finding the hospital in Seattle that I used for GSMH so I could orient Abbott's field trip. (Answer in the end notes)

  **Seattle, December 2016**

 

**GSMH  
**

For the west coast of the United States thunder and lightning are much rarer than almost any other part of the country. So while Seattle has more than any other west coast city, it is still somewhat of a rarity. However, when it does occur it can be quite spectacular. So it was on this night early in December, 2016.

The combination of high winds, torrential downpours, and lightning caused power outages had essentially emptied the city streets and entertainment venues, which in turn meant for a relatively quiet night in the ER. This was somewhat ironic, given that this was one of the nights when April scheduled herself for the overnight shift.

April liked to periodically work shifts outside of her normal daytime shift so she could see for herself how the ER functioned at those times. She often found improvements she could make or ideas that could be shared between shifts this way. But this night, she was regretting it. For one thing, slow nights in the ER seemed to last forever. The other problem this particular night, was that Abbott was also there, having switched at the request of one of the other trauma surgeons.

She and Chief Abbott now existed in a strange sort of limbo. He had to have known that Jackson had relayed his message to her. Yet he remained at arm's length, never approaching her for her response or reaction. This put April in a rather awkward position. It wasn't like she could go up to the SEAL and say _apology accepted_ or anything.

So they worked around and with each other seemingly without acknowledging that they'd ever known each other in a different capacity. It was awkward and strange and April didn't have any idea how to change it. Honestly, she wasn't sure she really wanted to. So she kept her distance.

For his part, Abbott didn't seem to harbor any desire to be near her either. Tonight, for instance, he was out in the ambulance bay shooting the breeze with the paramedics that were hanging around after bringing in the kid who had mistakenly eaten something with peanuts in it and then had to use an epi pen to keep breathing.

Suddenly he appeared. “Kepner, the ambulance just got a call about a tree falling on a house, with a possible casualty. Permission to ride along?”

April looked around. It was totally dead. “Permission granted.” The guy was military all the way.

Abbott disappeared and April soon saw the rig's emergency lights retreating down the driveway. Just as they disappeared, the ER's own lights flickered, and went out.

 

**Jackson and 20 th Pl S**

When Abbott saw the rig had turned on Jackson, he couldn't help but smile. Kepner should have been the one to come out. Do her good to spend some time on Jackson. He grinned shamelessly at the thought.

When they arrived, they found an Engine Company already at the scene. Chainsaws were buzzing, cutting away limbs from a huge tree that had blown over and completely crushed half of a small home it had earlier stood in front of.

Abbott and the paramedics stepped through the wreckage that had formerly been the front door. A fireman guided them to an interior room, indicating the spot they had found the home's lone occupant.

Abbott crawled under branches and needles until he found him. He was pinned by the trunk, which even this high up, was still very thick. At first Abbott thought the man dead but when he reached for his carotid to take his pulse, the man's eyes blinked open.

“I'm Doctor Abbott. Can you speak?” he asked the man.

“Sure. Damn thing didn't hit my mouth.” the man replied.

In spite of the situation, Abbott smiled. This was one tough customer.

 

**GSMH**

Just when April was sure they were totally without power, a few emergency lights came back on. But not many. She picked up the phone but of course it was dead too. Now what?, she wondered.

 

**Jackson and 20 th Pl S**

“What's your name?” Abbott asked.

“Bender, Michael J.” answered the man under the tree.

“Army?” guessed Abbott. Michael J Bender still sported a close cropped military style haircut.

“Marines. Guess I don't like you after all.” responded Bender.

“Apologies, Marine.” Abbott took his pulse. Not good.

“You a fighting man?”

“Anchors aweigh.” answered Abbott, assessing the position of the tree trunk on the mans torso.

“Navy? So, almost a real soldier” said Bender.

“Almost.” Abbott smiled again. He'd be enjoying this conversation more if he thought he might have any real chance of saving this Jarhead's life.

“When did you get out?”

“Didn't. Just between deployments.”

“Riding around in an ambulance for shits and giggles?”

“Something like that. Listen, I'll be right back. Gotta go see about getting this bugger off you.”

“Take your time. I'm not going anywhere.”

 

Abbott was talking to the paramedics and the firefighters. “So we're really screwed here. As soon as we lift that tree off of him, his blood supply is going to run out through his crushed pelvis and there's not a damn thing we can do about it.”

“What if we leave the tree on him until we can get more help?” asked one of the paramedics.

“Not an option. He's going down fast already. He can't wait for that help.”

“So what then?” asked the Engine captain.

“Going to have to cut the tree off of him and then run like hell for Grey Sloan. If we can get there quickly enough and get him to an OR, then maybe...”

 

**GSMH**

The maintenance tech was explaining the problem to April. “Maam, the emergency generators didn't all come online like they were supposed to. Looks like the basement flooded again. Clogged drain. We can't even get down there now, too dangerous.”

April remembered what had happened the last time that room had flooded during a big storm. “Well, what are we supposed to do without power? We can't turn people away. We're the only trauma center left in Seattle.”

“I know. We're working now to get the drain clear. Once we do that we think the water will go down and we can bring up the other generators. We're talking maybe an hour to get full capacity. Maybe the city will restore power before then too.”

“Alright, it is what it is.” April answered, hoping that it would stay slow. But that hope was short-lived as paramedics pushed two gurneys through the Ambulance bay doors.

“Hey, we tried to radio in but you guys are off the air.” called one of the paramedics.

“I figured. No power, no radio. OK, give me the bullet.” _Why did I let Abbott go joyriding?_ , she reproached herself. She tried Abbott on his cell but the call failed.

 

**Jackson and 20 th Pl S**

Abbott wiggled his way back to where Bender, Michael J lay pinned.

“OK, Mr. Bender...”

The man interrupted. “Call me Mike.”

“OK, Mike, I'm going to give it to you straight up. Your situation is pretty bad. If we leave you here under this tree much longer you'll die. If we cut the tree off of you, you'll probably die.”

“Your bedside manner leaves something to be desired.” Mike answered.

“Yeah, well my motto is never bullshit a Marine. So the plan is to get the tree off of you and then make for the hospital like a bat out of hell. If you get really lucky we might be able to keep your Jarhead ass around a little while longer. You in?”

“Got any cute nurses at that hospital?”

“Hell, yeah.”

“Then I'm in.”

While the firemen worked on cutting and removing the tree, Abbott tried to call into the hospital on the rig's radio. He got no response. The deck was getting even more stacked against them.

 

**GSMH**

They were still getting by with very limited power and things were definitely getting dicey.

April was relieved when Riggs walked into the ER and dove right in to assist with the now four MVC victims the ER was dealing with. They had gone from zero to overwhelmed and April had paged the on-call Riggs for help from her cellphone.

April, desperate for help now, called Jackson. He would be in as soon as his mother arrived to stay with Harriet. _Now if only frickin Abbott would get his butt back here_ , she thought.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prepare yourself for a big dose of Abbott these last few chapters.
> 
> The hospital I used is Harborview Medical Center. It was purely luck that I found a street nearby named Jackson.
> 
> As always. Thanks so much for reading and, hopefully, feeding my Comment addiction ;-)


	16. Abbott The Sequel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is all Abbott as flashbacks tell the tale of where the SEAL team was when April returned to Jordan and found them gone.
> 
> And Abbott finds himself in an eerily similar predicament in present day Seattle as the vicious storm turns his ride along into a catastrophe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A favorite Japril epi from season 9, the finale had a big storm, power failures in GSMH, and vehicles crashing, burning, and exploding in the street outside the ER. Hey, if it was good enough then...

**Helmund Province, Afghanistan May 2015**

Abbott leaned back against the bulkhead of the Blackhawk his team was riding in. He wasn't happy. Not one little bit. For one thing, his squad was short-handed with Tarp down because of a broken collarbone. At least he still had Mac, Taco, and Davis, and that new guy, Cho, who seemed OK too. But the real problem was the bad feeling he had about this mission.

He always had a bad feeling when a mission was being run by the CIA, rather than the military. Some of these Agency guys were more concerned about making a splash and advancing their careers than they were about the grunts they were putting in harm's way. And this, tonight, felt exactly like that.

The previous week, some high level government mucky-mucks had dragged the press corps out here to show them a school for girls. The press eats that stuff up, of course, so it got a lot of play both here and at home. Abbott wondered if anyone in the upper levels of government realized the Taliban read the newspapers too and understand the power of the press.

It wasn't long before intelligence started reporting Taliban preparations for possible action against the school. Go figure, thought Abbott. And the more he thought about it the more it began to stink. Agency run op, girls school out in the middle of hostile territory, high profile press. When he added it up the result looked a lot like BAIT.

And if bait it was, tonight the Taliban had taken it. So two Army helo's full of SEALs were on their way to a target deep in a hostile province, allegedly to rescue the staff and students at the school, but likely their main purpose was to put some Taliban notches on an Agency pukes gunbelt so he could win a promotion. Yeah, Abbott didn't like it a bit.

The radio crackled. “Touchdown in 2 minutes.”

“Sitrep?” Abbott heard the other SEAL team leader ask.

“Eye in the sky says multiple tangoes engaged at the target. It's also raining pretty hard.”

_Engaged? Engaged with what? Schoolgirls?_ Abbott thought. How would the drone's IR camera even be able to distinguish a Taliban fighter from an innocent student or teacher, especially on a cold rainy night? Damn it, this sucks.

“We still _Go_ for primary LZ?”

“Roger that.” replied the person in command.

_Fuck!,_ thought Abbott. “Alright, ladies, you heard the man. Let's get ready to rock.”

His men got themselves ready, checking weapons and equipment, and willing themselves to master the adrenaline coursing through their veins.

Abbott gave last minute instructions. “The LZ is tight to the target so I expect it'll get hot quick. Clear the helo fast and proceed to the rally point.” They had done this so often it was probably not necessary for Abbott to tell them but he was a good leader and did anyway. He made eye contact with each of them, to assure himself they were ready. Davis nodded. Ruiz grinned. Mac just glanced at him before returning his attention to his weapon, and Cho uttered a nervous “hooyah”. _Frickin newbie,_ thought Abbott. _We'll have to break him of that crap._

“Ten” the pilot said over the radio.

At the first thump of the helo's wheels, Abbott was out the open door and down on a knee in wet, tall grass to cover the others. But there would be no others.

The RPG whistled through the open door of the Blackhawk, and the chest of Mac, who had been following just behind Abbott, and detonated in the cabin of the aircraft. The explosion flattened Abbott, left his ears ringing and scattered his thought process. It blew Ruiz and Davis out the other side and threw them several feet. Cho simply ceased to exist, as did the helicopter crew and the helo itself, which was reduced to a burning wreck.

When the ringing in Abbott's ears finally faded, and he could organize this thoughts, he looked around him. Behind him, the Blackhawk was no longer recognizable as a helicopter, save for the main rotor blades that now tilted forward of the burning hulk at a 45° angle. In his earbud he could hear the other SEAL team fighting for their lives as they too had been ambushed as soon as their helo touched down.

Abbott's first instinct was to get up and search for survivors but he fought that down. Experience had taught him that their enemy, after seeing the helo destroyed, would try to rush the wreckage in hopes of finding helpless Americans alive. He checked his weapon's safety and waited. As long as he was in the fight, any of his men that had survived would be far from helpless.

A half dozen Taliban insurgents moved forward through the tall grass. They had been elated that they had been able to actually destroy the American aircraft with their first salvo. They couldn't imagine there were any survivors but they were cautious nonetheless. But not cautious enough.

He held his fire until they were practically on top of him then cut that first group down quickly and brutally. Only one of them even managed to get off a shot. Those behind them fired wildly and retreated back to their cover, unsure how many soldiers remained to defend the wreck. He had bought time, but only a little. Now he had to make use of it.

One thing the SEALs had learned from taking down Bin Laden is that you can't always count on your equipment working flawlessly throughout a mission. The value of having a 'spare' helo accompanying the SEALs had been clearly proven and become SOP for all missions into hostile territory. Abbott knew that another Blackhawk was orbiting nearby. He was counting on it.

Abbott didn't have to check the wreckage to know that there were no survivors there. His only hope was that some of his guys had made it out the other side before the aircraft was destroyed. So he crouched and made his way around the wreck, doing his best not to be silhouetted against the flames.

While he moved, he tried to raise the others on his radio. “Trident2, report. Ruiz, Davis?”

He got an answer instead from the other SEAL unit. “Trident 2, Trident 1. Thought you were all gone over there. Sitrep?”

“Just me at the moment. Searching for possible survivors.”

“Roger that. We are half strength but holding on. Helo is disabled. Working on evac plan.”

“Roger.”

Half strength meant there were only four SEALs able to fight. And who knows how many Taliban? But Abbott's priority was to see if any of his guys lived and, if so, get them the hell out of here.

  


**E Fir St approaching 9 th  Ave, Seattle 2016 **

Just as Abbott had predicted, Mike Bender had crashed as soon as the firefighters lifted the last section of tree trunk from his body.

Now, Tony, the paramedic at the wheel, was blasting through the dark and fortunately empty streets of Seattle, about to make the last turn on the approach to the SGMH ambulance bay. In the back of the rig, Abbott and Phil, the other paramedic, were compressing and bagging the patient in the likely hopeless effort to deliver him alive to the OR.

As soon as they had turned westbound onto E Fir, they had entered a violent weather cell that was bringing down buckets of rain and punctuating the total darkness outside with rapid fire flashes of lightning. Tony peered ahead into the darkness. Even the signal lights were dark.

He slowed the rig slightly to make that last turn onto 9 th  , the hospital a long city block ahead, when a lightning flash revealed something in his path. He barely had time to register the compact car stalled in the middle of 9  th  before the rig hit it and became airborne, twisting in the air.

It landed with a deafening crunch on the corner of its roof and tumbled a couple of times before finally expending its momentum and coming to rest upside down two hundred feet north of the intersection. A small flame arose from the upturned engine compartment.

  


**Helmund Province, Afghanistan May 2015**

Abbott moved as quickly as he dared through the tall grass. Sporadic firing to his left told him the Taliban were still probing at the remnants of the other SEAL team. God knows what's happening to my right, he thought. The bad guys there wouldn't wait forever before trying him again.

He started at what used to be the starboard door of the helo. That's where first Ruiz, then Davis behind him, would have been exiting the aircraft when the RPG hit. The flames being mainly on the other side of the wrecked hulk, this side remained extremely dark. So Abbott began to search mainly by feel.

It wasn't until he was a full twelve feet from the aircraft that he stumbled on an unmoving form prone in the long grass. Stooping he felt for a pulse and found one. It was weak and thready however. He wasn't sure who he had found yet, the darkness here was so complete, but he knew it was one of his guys and he was alive. If there's one, maybe there's two, he thought. He crawled a few feet forward and was rewarded with another contact. As before he felt for a pulse and again was rewarded for the effort.

So he had two survivors. He knew they were Davis and Ruiz simply because both Mac and Cho were coming out the port door behind him, which put them directly in the path of the RPG. They had no chance of surviving. But he would recover them too if he had the chance. But first, he had to get his living companions to safety.

“Trident 1, Trident 2.”

“Trident 2, go ahead.”

“Found two survivors. Immobile, injuries unknown. Need immediate medievac.”

“Roger that. Rally point is LZ Echo. Dustoff in seven mikes. Over.”

“Roger that. Any help with my wounded?”

“Negative, Trident 2, we are engaged with unknown number of hostiles. You're better off on your own. We'll hold here until the last minute and then hightail it. Good luck.”

Abbott remembered that LZ Echo was a couple of hundred yards to the south. He had to move two men there in less than seven minutes, all the while hoping the enemy wouldn't move in on his position again. It was times like this that he wished he had remained a surgeon in the States. But then, Ruiz and Davis wouldn't have had a chance.

Abbott grabbed the nearest man to him and lifted him onto his shoulder. He felt a sharp pain in his lower back and realized he'd probably caught some shrapnel there from the exploding helo. No time to worry about that. He willed the pain away. Crouching, his weapon in his right hand while his left steadied his burden, Abbott crept forward to the rear of the fuselage. Peering around the wreckage he saw what he most dreaded. Two insurgents were barely visible in the reflected flames that licked the forward area of the helo. They were in close. If there were more than these two he was in big trouble.

Abbott dispatched both with two short bursts from his assault rifle. Then he fired a few more rounds into the darkness beyond. Fire was returned, but it was from sufficiently far away for Abbott to be confident that the unlucky two he had just killed were scouting ahead and the enemy still believed that somehow the defense of the wreck was still strong. Abbott needed that belief to persist so he could get his guys to safety.

Taking a deep breath, Abbott set off in the direction of LZ Echo, praying that he when he returned he'd still find his guy alive and alone in the darkness.

  


**9 th Ave, Seattle December 2016**

Abbott regained consciousness in the darkness of the overturned ambulance. He didn't know where he was. About all he could make out was that blood was streaming down his face from a pretty significant scalp wound that hurt like hell, and his shoulder was hanging at a very disturbing angle. A flash of lightning briefly illuminated the area around him. There was another figure in the wreck along with him. He didn't know who it was or whether they were alive or dead. And he still had no idea where he was or how he'd gotten there.

Suddenly he heard a voice in the darkness. “Hey, Navy. You'd better pull yourself together, son. Your people need you.”

“Roger that.” Abbott replied. “What happened?”

“What do you think happened?” asked the voice. Abbott thought he recognized it but his thoughts were too jumbled right now to place it.

“The helo took an RPG.” Abbott replied.

“Then you'd better get moving and get these guys out.”

“To the medivac?”

“No, to Seven-Eleven. Yes to the medivac. Come on squid, put a charge in it and get moving.”

“Aye Aye” Abbott replied.

“Frickin Navy.” said the darkness.

Groping in the darkness Abbott located a form. The SEAL found a pulse. “Where's the rally point?'

“Coupla hundred yards north. Marked with a red flare.”

“OK, I'll be back for you in two mikes.”

“Take your time. I'm not going anywhere.” the voice answered.

Abbott tried to lift the prone figure but his left shoulder was completely useless. Suddenly it dawned on him. It's dislocated. Well thats an easy fix he said to himself. Conveniently, lightning illuminated the interior of the craft. That allowed Abbott to spot a bulkhead. Throwing his shoulder into the bulkhead caused him to see stars for a few moments. But then they passed and he was able to use his arm again. The pain it entailed to do so he willed away.

Hoisting the body onto his other shoulder Abbott made his way to what he could now discern to be the door. It resisted opening at first but he was finally able to kick it hard enough so it swung open. Crouching he was able to squeeze himself and the figure he carried out into the downpour.

The driving rain was actually a little welcome as it effectively washed the blood out of his eyes and allowed him to see a little better. What he saw was a twisted wreck that stretched across most of a street. There was something about the wreck that didn't seem right to him but then, he told himself, what _wreck_ could be _right?_

He peered through the rain in every direction and then he saw it. The red glare of the flares that marked the rally point for the medivac. Abbott crouched low as a huge flash lit up the area and the ground shook with a large boom. Great, thought Abbott, now we're getting shelled too. He began to run toward the red light.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK, good news! No more time shifting flashbacks. More good news! The end is in sight (sort of- it's been written but I'll be posting one chapter at a time in case someone finds a big problem that I have to fix).  
> Thanks for reading. Extra thanks for Commenting.


	17. Voices

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The power is finally restored to the Grey Sloan ER, allowing Jackson and April to see what Abbott has been doing outside the building.  
> Meanwhile Abbott has been busy rescuing his companions in spite of a concussion that has him seeing things and hearing voices, including one very specific voice from his past

**Seattle, 2016**

**GSMH**

April sent up a little prayer of thanks when the unit's monitors suddenly flickered back to life. She had been shifting incoming patients directly to parts of the hospital where the power was still available. Unfortunately, this required a painstaking manual process to keep track of them and pretty much everyone but April was befuddled by it.

But now the hospital was coming back to life one circuit at a time and April was starting to feel a little better about things. For one thing, the steady intake of traumatic injuries had finally petered out. Jackson had arrived just in time to help with the biggest surge, the result of a downed power line landing across a busy highway. The resultant accidents and a near electrocution had threatened to swamp them but he had shown up and taken the shocked victim.

Now he entered the ER and approached the desk where April reviewed her plan for dispersing her ER patients by the dim light of a single emergency light overhead.

“Hey” he said as she looked up.

“Hey.” she acknowledged.

Things between them had been a little strained since their talk about Jordan. While she had hoped that Jackson knowing all the details might help him better understand her motivations and lead to him possibly forgiving her, it hadn't worked out that way. At least not yet.

Jackson leaned against the counter, surveying the darkened ER.

“Crazy night, huh?”

“Right?” answered April. “It seemed like everything happened at once too. The power went out. The patients came in. It was just nuts. Thanks so much for coming in. You saved the day.”

“My mom did actually. I never would have taken Harriet out in that.” he gestured to the wild weather still pummeling the outside of the hospital. “Good thing she was in town.”

“Remind me to thank her.”

“Will do. Now, if you think it might be OK, I think I'll head back and relieve her so she can go home and gets some sleep.”

“Sure. Good idea. You'll need some too.” April agreed.

“OK, then, good night.”

“Good night.”

Jackson took a step and stopped.

“What?” April asked.

“I get it now, you know.” he said, looking at the empty ER in front of him.

April looked at him quizzically. “Get what?”

“Get you. Get Jordan. I get why you stayed. I get why you thought you had to go back.”

April's heart leapt. “Jackson.” she whispered.

He held up a hand. “What I don't get ...” he paused, seemingly unsure of how to say what he wanted to say, “You once asked me what pissed me off more, that you went after what you needed or that what you needed wasn't me. The honest answer is both. Now I understand how Jordan gave you that healing and even why you went back. But why did you think you needed to leave me and go halfway around the world to begin with? What I don't get is why you couldn't find healing with me.”

April was struck by the sadness in his voice. She had no trouble recollecting that conversation. She remembered every excruciating detail of it. The mere memory of it still triggered a physical response in her. But this, the way he said this, that sadness and disappointment, it tore open those wounds in her heart.

“I don't know how to explain that, Jackson.” she answered. “But it wasn't your fault. It was mine. I was afraid. I was afraid I would make it worse for you. I was afraid I would drag you down into the darkness. I had lost my faith in everything. In God, in medicine, in myself. I just needed to be somewhere else. Somewhere I could rebuild everything. The only thing I never stopped believing in was you. That no matter what, I could come back and you would be waiting. It never occurred to me that I could destroy that too. But I did.”

Jackson looked at her. “I just can't stop thinking about it. Maybe if I could have just stopped thinking about it and let myself feel more. And also be more open and honest about what I'm feeling”

“And maybe if I had been able to think more and feel less.”

Jackson smiled sadly and shook his head. “We're quite a pair. Can we be any more opposite?”

April returned his sad smile. “Probably not. But you know what they say about opposites attracting.”

“That is certainly true. There's no denying the attraction. Too bad ours always seems to lead to a head on collision."

Before April could react he hitched his bag onto his shoulder and said “Well, I'd better get going.”

Just then the rest of the power was restored to the ER and lights and equipment that had remained dead began to come back on.

In spite of his announcement that he was leaving, Jackson remained in place. April looked at him expectantly but now his attention was on something behind her rather than her. She turned to look and saw the video screen that monitored the ambulance bay had come back to life. As the screen resolution automatically adjusted she heard Jackson say “What's that?”

On the screen she could see two figures laying outside the outer set of doors, just under the roof that extended to cover the ER entrance. Both figures were clad in dark clothing. It looked like one was holding onto the other. As they watched another figure appeared. He was carrying something. He laid it beside the other two, another body by the looks of it, and appeared to speak to the first. Then he looked up at the camera.

“Abbott” April cried.

Then she saw Abbott turn and disappear back into the darkness. April turned to speak to Jackson but found him already halfway across the ER sprinting toward the ambulance bay. Before running to join him, April had the presence of mind to hit the page all button. The ER was getting fresh intake.

  
  


**GSMH Ambulance Bay**

Abbott laid the first of his wounded comrades down just under the lip of the concrete overhang. The man's eyes fluttered open but he couldn't seem to speak. Abbott performed a cursory inspection. Severe headlac, he'd need a CT Scan quickly to make sure there was no neurological damage. His pants were torn at the knee and the exposed joint was already swelling considerably. Probably some internal damage too.

The strange thing was he didn't recognize the man. Must be aircrew. His own thoughts were so scrambled that he just couldn't make sense of anything he was seeing. What he thought was a red flare now appeared to be a red light in the shape of a cross beside a sign that he couldn't read in the darkness. But he had a vague feeling that he had seen the sign before.

He turned to the man laying on the cold wet pavement. “I need to know how many guys were on that helo with us.” The man eyes widened but it was obvious he was unable to respond. Damn it, thought Abbott. “OK, listen, I gotta go back. But I'll be back in a couple of mikes. Don't worry. They'll have seen us go down. Kepner is on the other helo and she won't leave us. She'll make them come back and fix you up. Hold on, soldier.”

Abbott slipped away into the darkness and rain. When he reached the wreck, he began to search for other survivors to rescue. “Anybody hear me?” he called quietly. He couldn't take the chance that enemy were nearby, especially since he couldn't locate his weapon.

“Navy, you made it back.” came that familiar voice from within the wreck.

“Hold on, Marine,” How did he know that voice belonged to a Marine? “I'm coming for you.”

“Stop. Forget about me for now. There's a guy up front. I heard him moaning a few minutes ago.”

“OK, you sure you're good to wait?”

“I got all the time in the world.”

Abbott went to what he surmised was the front of the aircraft. Peering through the wet darkness he spotted a figure amidst the twisted metal and broken glass. Crawling into the wreckage he was able to reach the man, who was still strapped to his seat. Must be the pilot, Abbott decided. So the aircrew was accounted for, plus a Marine. But where was his SEAL team?

The pilot's eyes opened, or at least one did. The other was swollen shut. “Abbott.” the man choked out. “Shh, don't try to talk yet.” Abbott did a quick examination of the man's injuries to ensure that when he moved him, he would do it correctly. The man's chest was crumpled in. Abbott guessed he had been thrown into the instrument panel somehow, although his seat restraints should have prevented that. Regardless, he needed a doctor and fast.

“OK, buddy, I'm going to get you out of here and to the medivac. It's going to hurt when I move you and because your chest is injured I'm going to have to drag you instead of carry you. So be strong.”

“OK.” whispered the man.

It was a struggle but Abbott was finally able to free the man from his seat restraints. Crawling backwards, Abbott was able to drag the wounded pilot out of the wreckage and into the open.

“OK, here we go.” he said, beginning to drag the man toward the medivac area marked by the red cross.

He laid this man next to the first. He gave them both the once over again. He didn't like how the first guy looked. That helo better get back here fast. This guy needed Kepner. Fuck it, they both needed her.

“What's your name, soldier?” he asked the second man. The man stared at Abbott as though surprised at the question. He did look familiar.

“Abbott, its Tony. Remember?” he croaked around his busted lip.

“Alright, Tony, can you tell me how many people were on the helo when we went down?”

“What? Went down? Abbott are you..” Tony coughed and doubled over in pain.

“Easy, Tony, just how many?”

“Four. The three of us and the patient, Bender.”

“Bender the Marine?”

“Yes.”

“OK, then I'm going back for him now. Tony I need you to keep your partner there awake. There's a medivac helo on the way and we'll get you to Kepner as quick as we can.”

“Kepner, OK.” answered Tony, happy that at least Abbott remembered who was on duty in the ER that night.

“Keep him awake.” Abbott gestured toward the first man. Then he was gone again.

When he returned to the wreck he found a new problem brewing. A small fire was burning in the engine compartment that even the deluge hadn't been able to extinguish. Now the fire was burning brighter than ever and Abbott was aware that there was a large pool of fuel floating atop the water on the street. If it were to ignite... Abbott was glad this was his final trip.

This time he knew where to start looking. He crawled back into the compartment he had awoken in. “Mr. Bender, your turn.”

But the Marine didn't answer. Abbott felt his way around the scattered space and finally found what he was looking for. Mr Bender was still strapped onto the gurney, which had broken loose from its floor moorings and tumbled about the cabin with Abbott and Phil, the paramedic. Abbott located it, wedged into a corner of the vehicle, and as he felt for a pulse, he realized that Mr Bender's body was already quite cool. His lack of pulse confirmed that the retired Marine was gone.

Abbott struggled to understand. How was it possible that Bender had just been speaking with him minutes ago? Then he remembered the spilled fuel and fire danger and began to extricate the body from the gurney. At least he would bring him out of the wreck and return him home. No man left behind.

He had just reached the evac point when suddenly lights came on all around him. He laid Bender's body down a little apart from the others. “He didn't make it.” Abbott told Tony. He looked up into the lights. “Looks like the helo's here to take us home.”

Abbott was about to stand when Tony's hand shot out and grabbed his arm. “Wait. The girl in the car. You gotta get her too.”

“Girl in a car? What the fuck are you talking about?”

“The car we hit. I saw her at the very last second.”

“What? I don't understand.” Abbott was suddenly very tired. He couldn't make sense of any of this. He had an overwhelming desire to lay down and sleep.

“Wake up Navy!” he heard Bender say behind him. He looked at the Marine. “You've got to go get her. She needs you. You have to be there for her.”

“But I'm so tired.” he pleaded with the dead Marine.

“She needs you.” came a different voice. A voice he longed to hear more than any other. Amy's voice.

Abbott forced himself to his feet. And turned once again for the wreckage. Directly in front of him, fire suddenly engulfed the wrecked ambulance. In the light of the flames he could now see the compact red sedan smashed and upside down next to the burning rig. Suddenly he saw it for what it was, a wrecked ambulance, not a helicopter. But that didn't bring much comfort. Ambulances are loaded with oxygen tanks that become very explosive when heated. Amy's voice sounded in his head again. “Hurry.” Abbott began to run.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a few more chapters to go.  
> You've probably realized that understanding April's reason for extending and returning to Jordan still hasn't allowed Jackson to forgive her. But it's a step in the right direction. Maybe if he had an opportunity to resolve his abandonment issues, and April had a chance to redeem herself by being there for him when he needs her...?  
> But before that will happen, their relationship will be challenged again. One step forward, two steps back. Unsure what I'm talking about? Stick around for the last chapter (and the two before it)   
> Thanks for reading and commenting


	18. No One Left Behind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally aware of the drama unfolding in the ambulance bay, Jackson and April join the effort. But there's one person left to rescue and Abbott is almost done in.

**Seattle, 2016**

**GSMH Ambulance Bay**

Jackson reached the ambulance bay just as Abbott disappeared into the darkness beyond the light. Peering hard out into the night, Jackson thought he could make out his silhouetted figure against the flaming rig. April appeared beside him.

“Abbott?” she asked, not seeing him in the bay.

“Heading back to the rig.” Jackson answered.

“We hit a car. There was a girl.” Tony fought the pain in his chest to say.

April and Jackson moved to him and began to examine him.

“Severe chest impact. Need to get him to the OR stat.” April said.

Behind her an ER team emerged with a gurney.

While Tony was loaded on the gurney April examined the other paramedic, Phil. She looked up at Jackson. “Busted knee and severe headlac. He needs a head CT stat.” Both paramedics were pretty banged up.

Tony grabbed Jackson's arm as a second gurney emerged from the building. “Something's wrong with Abbott.” he said. “And that fire... the rig is full of O2.”

Jackson looked toward the burning wreck. It could blow at any time.

“April, I've got to go help Abbott.”

“No, No, No, don't you dare Jackson Avery.” April responded. Then she cursed. Jackson had disappeared into the darkness as well. “Are you kidding me?”

 

Abbott reached the wrecked car and saw the fire had fortunately burned away from it. He called out but got no answer. The vehicle was upside down and the roof had pretty much been crushed. He got down on his belly and tried to find a way into the car but to no avail. After trying a few different routes he finally hit the crumpled door panel in frustration. To his amazement, he heard a small thud in response. Whoever was in the car was conscious.

Abbott stood and put his back up against the car. Squatting and gripping the bottom of the door panel, he tried to lift the car. He was able to raise it only inches before the pain in his injured shoulder forced him to set it back down again.

He positioned himself to try again. And suddenly he found Jackson Avery beside him. Together they were able to raise the car a good foot to a foot and a half off the ground. But the occupant of the car did not appear. The men had to return the car to the ground.

The flames from the rig were getting more intense and both men knew they were running out of time.

“You should go.” Abbott told Jackson.

“Bullshit. Saving people from exploding vehicles is one of my specialties. One more time.” Jackson responded.

Together they squatted for one more effort, hoping that the victim inside would somehow find a way to crawl free this time. Before they could make the effort, an additional rescuer arrived on the scene.

“You lift and I'll go in and get her.” said April Kepner.

“April, get the hell out of here.” said Jackson.

“Kepner, get your ass out of here.” said Abbott at almost the same time.

“Let's get the girl and all get the heck out of here.” she replied. “Now lift!”

The men glanced at each other, shrugged, and did as they were told. Both had known the futility of arguing with April Kepner when she made her mind up to do something. Jackson and Abbott squatted, got their grip, and pressed upwards. Again the car was raised a foot and a half. April disappeared under the wrecked vehicle.

Thirty seconds passed. Jacksons thighs were burning and his knees began to tremble. Small grunts began to emanate from his strained face. He looked at Abbott and was alarmed at what he saw in the reflection of the nearby flames. Abbott was a white as a ghost. His eyes were closed as sweat and blood streamed down the side of his face. Jackson couldn't know it but Abbott was using every last ounce of his iron will to keep the agony that was his injured shoulder from overcoming him.

Finally they saw what they so desperately wanted. April's feet appeared, followed by her legs and then her torso. She was wiggling herself backwards out from under the car, dragging something with her. The something turned out to be a young woman. Blood ran from a small cut on her forehead but miraculously she seemed otherwise unharmed. She was also very obviously pregnant.

Once the women were clear of the car, Jackson and Abbott released their grip and the wreck settled back down in the street. They weren't out of danger yet, though.

“Let's get out of here.” Jackson yelled.

The woman followed April but they saw she was limping badly. Without a word Jackson scooped her up in his arms and he and April hurried toward the hospital. They hadn't gone far when April noticed that Abbott wasn't with them.

“Go ahead, Jackson, I'm going to get Abbott.”

April ran back to where the SEAL knelt in the street, too spent to get to his feet.

“Abbott, we gotta go.”

He looked at her and shook his head. “Kepner, get outta here.”

April grabbed his arm and began pulling him to his feet. “Come on, soldier. Get up and get moving. I'm not leaving you behind.”

April pulled his arm across her shoulder and supported his weight. Then they began to walk. It seemed to take forever as April was certain that at any time they would be knocked flat by the exploding rig. But finally, they reached the ambulance bay. She eased Abbott down against the wall.

“Huh, guess that rig isn't going to blow up after all.” She told him as they looked back toward the burning wreck. At exactly that moment, there was a violent explosion and the wrecked ambulance erupted in a huge fireball. April heard a window nearby break but they escaped any further damage or injury.

“Or not.” she added.

Jackson came flying out of the ER doors.”April, are you alright?”

“Just fine. Abbott is pretty much done as far as moving himself though so lets get a gurney out here for him.”

“Can you come in and get one? I need to get back to the pregnant girl.”

April turned to Abbott again. “OK, be back in a minute. Don't fall asleep. You've got a nasty headlac and are probably concussed too. Stay awake!”

“Yeah, yeah. Just don't forget about me.” Abbott replied.

“If only I could.” April answered with a concerned half-smile. She stood and hurried into the ER in search of a gurney team.

Abbott exhaled. Every single part of him hurt. He wondered if they had managed to save everyone. His eyes found the body on the pavement not far from him. Someone had put a sheet over it, meaning to retrieve it once personnel were available to do so. In his scrambled thoughts Abbott wasn't sure who it was that lay under the cover. Was it Murphy? Was it Amy? He was too tired and weak to crawl over and look. He couldn't keep his eyes open.

“Ah, Navy, it's been a tough night, hasn't it?” Abbott knew that voice. And now he remembered who lay under the sheet.

“I'm sorry.” he answered.

“For what, chief?”

“For not saving you.” Abbott answered. In his present state, it didn't seem unusual at all to be talking to a dead man.

“Navy, you did everything you could. I was gone before we ever wrecked. But you got the rest out. Even the girl.”

“That was Avery, and Kepner.”

“Thought you never bullshit a Marine?” said the voice. “You did good, Navy. Semper Fi.”

“Semper Fi” answered Abbott thickly.

"Now you gotta wake up."

Abbott didn't answer. He couldn't answer.

“Wake up!” Abbott heard again. But the voice had changed somehow. Bender had been replaced by …

“WAKE UP!” Abbott eyes opened to find April yelling at him from six inches away. “Damn it! I told you to stay awake.”

Many hands grabbed him and he felt himself lifted onto a gurney and wheeled from darkness into the light.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 18 down and 2 to go.  
> Hope you'll stick around for the wrap up.  
> I think you'll enjoy it.  
> Please let me know if I'm right.  
> My gratitude for your reading and commenting.


	19. Stress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the aftermath of the ambulance wreck, April thinks she has identified Abbott's condition. But acting on it proves to be a challenge.

**GSMH Seattle, 2016**

Two days later Owen, April, Jackson, and Bailey stood in the hallway outside Abbott's room.

“Kepner, are you sure about this?” asked Bailey.

“Yes. One hundred percent. He has all the symptoms. He should be diagnosed, treated, and not be allowed to go back.” answered April.

Jackson looked uncomfortable. “April, he just saved three people.”

“And both paramedics testified that he was talking to dead people and hallucinating about helos being shot down. I myself heard him say _Semper Fi_ to a dead body.”

“He has a severe concussion.” Bailey pointed out. “That might explain odd behavior that night.”

“What about the symptoms I observed in Jordan? And the incident in the bar? Jackson witnessed that.” April looked to Jackson for support. He remained less certain that this was a wise choice.

“I'm not sure what I saw in that bar. I mean I believe that you believe he has PTSD, but I'm not so sure.” Jackson answered

“That's why we need the pysch consult.” she said, a little peeved that Jackson wasn't backing her up more strongly.

“Kepner, I spoke with my friend at Bauer and he told me that Abbott has a near spotless service record with only one incident of disobeying orders, and a perfect record of passing fitness exams.” interjected Owen. “In fact, the reason he is stateside at all is that he was wounded rescuing two of his men after his helicopter was shot down in Afghanistan. They are still considering awarding him the Navy Cross. And, he apparently just accepted another hitch so he'll be deploying again shortly after the first of the year.”

“I'm telling you, he has Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome and he needs treatment.” April insisted. Did they not understand what she was saying?

Bailey made her decision. “I'm going to approve the pysch consult.”

Owen appeared ready to protest but she held up her hand. “If Raj diagnoses PTSD, we'll file that report with the Navy and they'll be obligated to act. Otherwise, there's nothing we can do.”

Owen shook his head. “If Abbott gets diagnosed, I'll have an ex friend at Bauer, that's for certain.”

April looked through the glass at Abbott sleeping. He'll be angry but at least he'll be alive, she thought.

  
  


Thirty minutes later, Doctor Raj Sen walked into Abbott's room. Abbott took one look at him and smiled. “You're a shrink.”

Sen looked at him in surprise. “Do we know each other?”

“Nope.”

“Then how would you know I'm a psychiatrist?” asked Raj, checking his white coat to make sure it wasn't spelled out there.

“First, you look like a shrink. Second, you don't have a stethoscope. Third, I've been working here for several months and I've heard your name mentioned for psych consults.”

“Ah, OK, well your cognitive skills are certainly recovering nicely.”

“Yeah, so is my understanding of how a hospital works. You don't ask for a psych consult for a guy with a concussion.” Abbott replied.

“Uh.., true.” admitted Doctor Sen.

He offered Abbott a hand to shake. “Raj, Raj Sen.”

“Pleased to meet you, Doctor Sin.” Abbott responded with a brief handshake. “Abbott.”

“Sen.” Raj corrected. Abbott ignored him.

“Let me guess. Someone, I'm guessing Kepner, has decided I have PTSD and wants you to confirm the diagnosis.” smiled Abbott.

“Why would you think that?” asked Sen. He was looking for a way to get control of this visit. He had no chance against Abbott.

“She probably thinks she's observed symptomatic behavior on my part. Which is interesting, because I could easily say the same about her.”

“What?”

“Did you know that she went to Jordan after the tragic death of her child? Left her husband behind and everything. Withdrawal is a classic symptom of PTSD, isn't it Doctor Sem?”

“Well, yes.”

“I also observed that she spent every moment of the day working. Even when not on duty she would always be around the med tent. I'd guess she was having trouble sleeping. Dr. Sun, Isn't that another symptom?”

“Sen. Yes, but..”

“And talk about erratic behavior. Not only did she continue to extend her stay there three times, but I personally witnessed her disobey orders given at gunpoint.”

“At gunpoint?”

“Yes. Her behavior put herself and her entire unit in jeopardy. And that's just what I saw in Jordan. Just the other night here she insisted on crawling into a burning wreck when an explosion was imminent. Complete disregard for her own safety. Like a deathwish. Of course, having her marriage disintegrate didn't help her condition. But of course you are very aware of that whole debacle, right Doctor Shin?”

Sen was now busy writing things down. “You know, she has had a number of traumatizing experiences. There was an incident with a gunman several years ago..”

  
  


When Doctor Sen emerged from Abbott's room, April, Jackson, and Bailey were waiting for him.

“Well?” April asked.

“Yes, well I'm afraid I am unable to confirm a diagnosis of PTSD for Abbott.”

“What?” April answered.

“He doesn't exhibit any of the symptoms I'd associate with PTSD. If he's got it, he hides it expertly.”

“Of course he does! He's a frickin Navy SEAL.” April cried in frustration.

“Now, Doctor Kepner. Please calm down. I'm a little concerned for your motivation here. I understand you underwent some very traumatic experiences yourself in the last couple of years.”

“Me?”

“Yes, we're all aware of the tragic loss you experienced and now I understand you made quite an eventful trip to Jordan shortly afterwards.” Sen casually referred to his notes.

April saw what he was doing and then it dawned on her what Abbott had done.

“No, No, No, I see what he did. He convinced you it was me, didn't he?”

“Doctor Kepner, I think it best we schedule some time...”

April shook her head and brushed by Sen.

  
  


When she burst into his room, Abbott looked up and smiled.

“I thought they might have you strapped down on a bed somewhere by now.” he said.

“Very funny! We both know you're the one with PTSD.”

He surprised her. “Of course we do.” he answered.

“Then why did you yank Sen's chain like that?”

Abbott looked out the window. “April, I'm going back in a couple of months.”

April's anger subsided. “You can't. You need treatment. You can't go back.” she pleaded.

“No, Kepner, I can't stay. Don't you get that? I don't belong in this world any more.”

“That's not true.” April said, coming to his bedside. “You're a great doctor. You can save people here too. You just did, the other night. I'll talk to Bailey. I'm sure they'll make you permanent in a heartbeat.”

“No, Kepner. That's not the way it's going to go. I'm needed more there than here. I think you of all people would understand that.”

April knew immediately what he was referring to. “Abbott, I was wrong about that. I was needed here. And by going back I ruined everything that I valued most.”

“April, I don't have what you do. What Murph did. If I still did, it would be different, believe me.” Abbott said sadly.

“Still?” April had caught that seemingly innocuous word in his reply.

Abbott sighed. She had saved his life. She had saved his brothers. She was part of his team. He owed her the truth.

“Hand me my wallet.”

April found his wallet with his personal effects in the drawer where such things are kept. She handed it to him and he opened it to locate what he wanted. Withdrawing a picture from the pocket, he handed it to her.

She looked at the picture and her breath caught in her throat. It was a picture of a young woman, her age, with red hair, a pale complexion, hazel eyes, and a dimpled smile that seemed to span the photo edge to edge. April thought she might as well be looking in a mirror, the resemblance was so strong.

“Abbott,” she breathed, “who is this?”

“Amy,” he answered sadly, “my wife. He corrected himself. “My late wife.”

April looked at him, speechless.

“She was an Army nurse. We met when I was a med student and did an internal medicine rotation at the VA down in Los Angeles. Man, she was a piece of work. It took a month of begging on my part to get her to go out with me. And after that one date I was hooked. One frickin date and I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. Eventually she came around to my way of thinking and we married.”

“But you know how expensive med school is so I had piled up a shitload of debt by the time I graduated and started my internship. She was an Army short timer then but she got offered a deployment to Iraq and took it, since we needed the money. It was only going to be six months. Just six fucking months.”

April remained silent, stunned at the story Abbott was telling.

“But four and a half months in, the hospital was relocating to a safer area when the truck she was riding in hit an IED. And that was it. She was gone.”

“That's why you left your career behind and joined the service.”

Abbott nodded. “So you see, I already had PTSD when I joined up. And maybe now you get why I was so mad at you for extending in Jordan. And grateful too”

They sat in silence for long moments. April had no idea what to say or do. Abbott just seemed lost in his memories.

Finally, April handed the picture back to him. She remembered Murphy telling her that she reminded Abbott of someone. Now she knew who he was talking about. She realized then she must have been both a blessing and a curse for Abbott.

But now it was more important than ever for her to convince him to stay and seek help.

“Abbott, there's still time for you to find that again. You've done your time, performed your service. It's time to come back.”

“Ah, Kepner, you really are so like her. The same spirit. The same bullheadedness. But I've got to go back.”

“But why?”

“Because that's where I belong now.”

“Even if it ruins you?”

“April, I'm already ruined, don't you see? And if I don't go, someone else has to. And they'll be ruined too.”

“So you'll never come home?” April asked him sadly.

“I don't know. Maybe someday. You never know what's going to happen. I sure never expected to run into April Kepner in Jordan.”

April's restraint gave way and she threw herself at the SEAL, hugging him tightly. He endured it for a couple of moments then patted her back. “Kepner, my shoulder.” His shoulder wasn't bothering him.

April wiped away the tears in her eyes and was about to say something when her pager went off.

She looked down at it. “MVC, multiple intake. I gotta go. Rest up so we can get you back down there.”

“Roger that.” Abbott answered.

  
  


It had been a huge accident with a bus overturning and several cars involved, the ER was overwhelmed. Riggs finished with the patient he had stitched up and asked April where she wanted him next.

“Trauma 2” she answered.

“But Abbott's working in Trauma 2.” he answered.

April looked up in surprise. “What?” But when she checked Trauma 2, there he was, working to stop the bleeding from a middle-aged woman with a nasty scalp laceration.

April could only shake her head.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PTSD is a serious problem that confronts a lot of the veterans returning home from combat situations.  
> The symptoms observed in the story are real (sleeplessness, withdrawal, anger, paranoia, flashbacks, nightmares, severe anxiety, depression and confusion), and April likely would have recognized them early on, despite Abbott's ability to keep them under tight control. But obviously I needed her to not diagnose it too soon. While I played Abbott's strategy of deflecting Sen's concern for him onto April for laughs, my guess that she probably had a case of PTSD herself as a result of losing Samuel.  
> Anyway, if you're reading this I would like to thank you. This really turned into a long story. But just one more chapter to go.  
> Thanks for reading and please consider commenting to tell me what you liked, didn't like, or really, anything you want to say about it.


	20. Departure and Arrival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Abbott wraps up his eventful stay at Grey Sloan.  
> But life goes on and April is tasked with helping recruit his potential replacement

**Seattle, Early February 2017**

**GSMH**

“So tomorrow, huh?” April asked.

“That's right.” Abbott answered.

He was working his final hours at Grey Sloan and would soon be shipping out. A permanent replacement hadn't been hired yet but rumor had it Bailey had someone in mind. Meanwhile, they had been told a consultant would be visiting the hospital to observe and suggest improvements to the program.

“Well, at least you'll get to give feedback to the consultant before you leave.” April considered having a consultant make recommendations to be a good thing. She was pretty much alone in that opinion.

Abbott rolled his eyes and Jackson just smiled his _there she goes again_ smile and shook his head.

April noted their reactions and, eyes narrowing, declared “Neither one of you know the first thing about how a hospital works do you?”

Abbott looked at Jackson. “Isn't it a building full of doctors and nurses?”

“Yeah, and sick and injured people go there to be fixed.” Jackson answered.

“That's what I thought.” replied Abbott.

“Hardy har har.” April responded. “Jackson, what are you going to do when your comedy partner leaves you tomorrow?”

“Well, you're usually good for a laugh or two.”

“Shut up.” April answered, punching him in the shoulder.

“Ow. Maybe Karev will start coming down here again.” Jackson answered.

“Yeah, what is the deal with that guy? Why is he scared of me?” Abbott asked

“I have no idea.” answered Jackson.

April just smiled to herself and gathered up her things. “Remember,” she said to Abbott, “going away party at Joes tomorrow after work.

Abbott stuck his two thumbs up. “Sounds great!”

“See you at home.” she said to Jackson.

“Yup.”

An hour later, Jackson flipped his last chart closed. He had just enough time to make it home, grab a few hours of sleep and then be back for his early shift.

  


At six the next morning, Jackson dragged himself into the hospital, He was not a morning person so this early shift, particularly after a late end to the previous day, was very hard on him.

As was his customary habit, dating back to April taking charge of it, Jackson entered through the ER. He was surprised to come face to face with Abbott.

“What are you doing here?” he asked

“Just finishing my shift.” the SEAL answered.

“Wait, they scheduled you back to back on your last day? Cruel.”

“Not exactly.” Abbott answered evasively as he handed a chart to the charge nurse behind the desk.

“So that's the last one, huh, Doctor Abbott?” she said brightly.

“Yep, last one.” he confirmed.

“Well it was great to have you here. Good luck wherever you're going.”

“Thanks.”

It dawned on Jackson. “You're leaving this morning.”

Abbott gave a little nod.

“When are you done?” Jackson pressed.

“In about thirty minutes.” answered Abbott. “Just finished my last patient. Gonna go change, turn in my stuff and hit the road.

“April won't be here for another hour.” Jackson told him. But Abbott knew that, didn't he?

Now Abbott looked around the ER, avoiding meeting Jackson's gaze. “Yeah, I'm not so great with goodbyes. Better this way.”

“She'll be crushed, you know.”

“She'll get over it. She's a soldier.” Abbott answered.

“Well, I gotta go upstairs. Do me a favor though. Come back through here on your way out. I'd like to get your contact information so at least she can write you.”

“Alright. I gotta come by here to drop off my hospital stuff and sign out anyway. But my ride will be here and I'm gone in exactly 30, so don't get any ideas about keeping me around until Kepner gets here.”

“Thirty minutes. Got it.” acknowledged Jackson.

  


Abbott was changed and back at the ER station in twenty-five minutes, his duffel at his feet, hospital badge, stethoscope, and white coat on the counter-top in front of him, signing a form when Jackson returned.

Abbott looked at him. “Didn't think you were going to make it.”

“What? I'm five minutes early.”

“In Navy time you're five minutes late.” Abbott replied.

“You're a civilian until you walk out that door.”

“I'm never going to be a civilian again.”

“So how do we get in touch with you?” Jackson asked.

“It's always tricky. Give me your email and I'll send my info over and ...” Abbott noticed Jackson was now looking beyond him rather than at him. He turned around.

“So you were going to just leave without saying goodbye.” April made it a statement, not a question.

She stood ten feet away, holding Harriet, baby bag hanging from her shoulder. She looked sad, hurt, and angry all at the same time.

Abbott looked over his shoulder at Jackson. “You sold me out.”

Jackson walked by him to April, taking Harriet and baby bag from her.

“I'm on HER team, remember?”

Jackson walked to Abbott.

“If you try to hug me I know fifty-two ways to kill you.” Abbott warned. He picked a pen up off the counter. “With this, seventy-seven.”

“You know twenty-five ways to kill someone with a pen?” asked Jackson.

“No, I made that part up. But I do know fifty-two ways to kill you with my bare hands and I'll do it if you try any of that hugging crap.”

Jackson laughed and stuck out his hand. Abbott hesitated a moment then took the other surgeon's hand and gave it a firm shake.

“Just a friendly reminder. That woman now has approximately twenty five hundred brothers, everyone of us a trained killer. Don't fu..” Abbott noted the presence of Harriet, who was staring at him in infant fascination. “screw it up again.”

“Uh, I'll keep that in mind.” Jackson answered, wondering just how seriously he should take that _friendly reminder_.

With that, Jackson cast April a look and left the ER to take Harriet to daycare.

  


Abbott turned to face April again and found her next to him at the ER station. She looked up at him.

“You lied to me.”

“Technically, I didn't” he defended himself.

Her eyes narrowed. “Technically?”

“I just didn't correct your faulty intel.” Abbott normally didn't like splitting hairs like this but April had him dead to rights in this case.

“You were going to leave without saying goodbye.”

“As I explained to Avery, I am not good with goodbyes in general. And I think you know that you are a particularly tough one for me.” Abbott admitted. “Our last one was pretty much a disaster.”

“All the more reason for making this one a good one.” April answered back.

“Kepner, I...” Abbott had no idea what to say.

“I know.” answered April. “Promise me that you'll come home from there sometime. Sometime soon.”

“You know I can't promise that.”

“Then I'll have to enlist and follow you around to keep you safe and out of trouble.”

“Oh God, no! OK, OK, I promise.” Abbott laughed.

“OK. And promise that you'll write back when I write to you.”

“I promise.”

“And promise that you won't do anything stupid that will get you killed.”

“I promise.”

“And promise ...”

“Stop! Enough with the promises. I gotta go. My ride is waiting for me. And the Navy doesn't like us to show up late for transport.”

“OK.”

Abbott could see April was starting to tear up.

“See, this is why I hate goodbyes.” he said, gently brushing a tear off her cheek.

She couldn't help herself and again he found her hugging him tightly. This time he didn't make any fake excuses to get her to stop.

Finally though, he whispered. “April, I gotta go.”

And she released him.

He picked his duffel up off the floor and hoisted it onto his shoulder. Without looking back he walked toward the doors of the ER.

April sagged against the desk, her elbow knocking his white SGMH coat onto the floor. She stooped to pick it up and noticed the name stitched on the chest.

**S. Abbott, MD**

She realized she still didn't know Abbott's first name.

“Abbott.” she called out to him.

He paused and half turned to look at her.

“What does the **S** stand for?” she asked as she held up the coat.

“Samuel.” he answered. Then he was gone.

  


April stood in stunned silence, holding the coat tightly in her hands.

She was knocked out of her trance by Bailey calling out to her as she entered the ER.

“Kepner? Good, you're here early. I need you to assemble the Residents to meet the consultant at eight o'clock sharp. She wants to start with them.”

April was still a bit dazed. “Uh, sure Chief, I'll have them in the Curie conference room at eight. How long will she keep them? I'm expecting kind of a busy day today and...”

“She'll keep them as long as she wants to, Kepner. In fact, anything she wants, she gets. Understood?”

“Sure, sure. But why the special treatment?”

“Because, Kepner, she's not just a consultant. She's one of the best in her field. And I'm trying to hire her for the opening on our surgical staff.”

“So today is like a job interview for her?”

“More like a job interview for us. I know she's got offers from a dozen hospitals. I want her here. So, roll out the red carpet and help me do it. Understood?” Asked Bailey.

“Absolutely.” answered April.

“Good.” Bailey turned to make her exit.

“Uh, Chief,” called April. “Who should I tell the residents they're meeting with at eight?”

“Her name is Doctor Minnick. Eliza Minnick. And make sure they are on their best behavior.” Bailey warned.

  


It wasn't hard for Abbott to spot the nondescript government car in the hospital parking lot. As he approached, the trunk lid popped open and he put his duffel in alongside the one stenciled **TARPLEY, R. PO1 USN**.

Sliding into the passenger seat Abbott greeted Tarpley with an affectionate “I see we've finally identified something you're good at, Tarp. I hear Uber drivers make a lot of money.”

“I'm sure it's more than Uncle Sam is paying me. But if I left the Navy, who would be left to keep your ass alive?”

“Jesus, if you're the only one helping me stay alive I might as well go plant myself right now.”

“Pick a spot. I'll help you dig.”

Abbott grunted in response. After the incident in Afghanistan, both Ruiz and Davis had left the Navy. Ruiz by choice and Davis because of the shrapnel from the grenade that had left him partially paralyzed. He was glad to still have a familiar face on his team.

“Hey, changing the subject,” Tarpley began, “I swear I saw Doc Kepner unload herself from a car with a baby and go charging into the Emergency entrance.”

“Yup,” answered Abbott, “that was her.”

“Wait! You mean Kepner works here? At this hospital? The same hospital you've been working in for the last six months?”

“Almost five months and, yes, this is her hospital.”

“So you've been working with Kepner all this time.”

“Yep.”

“And I guess the baby means she's still married?” asked Tarpley.

“Divorced as a matter of fact.” corrected Abbott. He knew where his friend was going with this but he wasn't in a hurry to get there.

“No shit. So Kepner is single, and you've been working with her for six months?”

“Almost five months.” Abbott corrected again.

“Whatever. So did you talk to her?”

“Yeah, of course.” Abbott answered.

Tarpley looked at Abbott. “You know what I'm asking. Did you tell her how you feel?”

Abbott looked out the window toward the GSMH Emergency entrance. “No,” Abbott answered slowly, “that never came up.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And you probably thought this would never end ...
> 
> Thank you so much for reading. I would absolutely appreciate hearing what you thought about the story, even if its to point out mistakes or things that didn't work for you.  
> Thanks mucho to everyone who commented throughout. It was really helpful with the challenge of such a long story.  
> Special thanks to demitruli for making me consider the canon question (which I totally had spaced out on) in time to go for it. Did it work?  
> I'd love to know if you like my premise that understanding Jordan puts Jackson in a better position to finally forgive April once he works out his abandonment issues in Montana. Hoping to find out that Japril is more than just co-parenting with benefits when Grey's finally decides to let them share the screen together again.  
> But if Japril does go sideways (for good) Abbott just might come home on a mission for April.  
> And are there any Everwood fans out there? Did you notice Abbott's wife's name? Loved that show!  
> And how weird is it that Sarah is shooting a movie right now about a soldier coming home and dealing with stuff like PTSD?


End file.
